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Let me say this about that.

If you’ve read the “About” tab in the upper left corner of this page, you know that before I retired, I was an engineer.  Now engineers are notoriously good at math and equally as bad at  communication.  So after I retired, I vowed to work on improving my skills in the use of the English language.  But I’ve run into a few obstacles and it’s becoming clear that English is a second language for this old engineer - even when it comes to something simple, like animals.  Let me give you a couple of examples.

I was visiting my uncle on his farm recently and he wanted to show me the new mule he had just bought.  On the way across the field to the barn, he cautioned me not to…    step into any “cow pies”.  Although it doesn’t suit my palate, if someone wants to make a pie out of a cow, that’s fine with me.  But if they are gonna do it, they should have the good sense to put them up on a shelf to prevent any unsuspecting visitors from stepping in them.

But wait a minute, you’re not going to believe this. You think “cow pies” are odd?  I have also heard that some people even make “shepards pie” out of ……you know, German Shepards.  I thought that was thoroughly disgusting until I was told some people even “eat crow”.

More confusion – A couple of weeks ago, a buddy called me up and said: 

“Yo Shambo, I’m going out to get a couple of corn dogs.  Wanna come along?”     I said:  “No thanks man.  I already got a chihuahua.”

And what’s up with all the hub-bub about “whale meet”?  I mean, who really cares if a couple of whales get together in the middle of the ocean for a little face time?  Apparently, this is particularly upsetting for the Japanese.  Whenever they hear of “whale meet”, they jump into their boats and try to dispatch these poor critters with their harpoons.

If it’s true what they say about “necessity being the mother of invention”  then what earthly situation could have led someone to invent “duck tape”?  And some smart guy invented a thing called a “catapult” whose sole purpose is, apparently the flinging of cats into the adjacent yard.

And who are these perverted sickos called “animal crackers?”

“Say there Mutubu.  This safari is gett’n kinda boring.  What ya say we go out in the jungle and crack us open a couple of Spider Monkeys?”

And finally, I hate going to the supermarket because the place is just too weird.  The last time out, I was going down one aisle that had small bags of “dog bones” - good grief!!  Plus there was an entire shelf of  “kitty litter”.  Now for the love of God, who would want to fork over eight bucks for a 10 lb. bag of dead cats that some maintenance crew picked up off the side of the road.  I just hope someone isn’t making pies.

And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Shambo