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Let me say this about that.

I get to Atlanta five or six times a year.  I went to undergraduate school there and still have lifelong friends that live in and around “Hot Lanna”.  Everytime I go, I have to make an obligatory stop at “The Bar”.  “The Bar” is not so much a specific place of business as it is a particular watering hole that is, at the moment,  in favor with “The Guys”.  “The Guys”  constitute a posse of the most diverse, bizarre, and truly interesting people you will ever meet.  You cannot become one of “The Guys” by election, paying dues, making application, buying drinks, or appointment by the President.  To become one of “The Guys” requires…    a process of osmosis.  It can take years.

There is no leader of this group.  In fact, to call it a group is an insult to the term “organization”.  These guys reject any semblance of normality and revel in the bright light of political incorrectness.  One of the more colorful members of this cartel is a guy named Jack.

Jack is the consummate “Guy”, embodying most of the attributes of all the other “Guys”.  But, like the rest of us, Jack has……well, issues.  Let me point out a couple of them.  Why, you ask, would I do such a thing that will expose them to a worldwide audience?  Because, why have a buddy if you can’t point out his flaws?  It is a major part of the code for being a “Guy”.

Number 1) –   Jack is a Notre Dame fan.  This fact alone should tell you that Jack might have too much chlorine in his gene pool.  But like all other fans of the most overrated team in college football, facts are like Kryptonite when it comes to “his” team.

Let me give you just one fact.  The Notre Dame coach is the second highest paid football coach in the NCAA at $4.2 million/year.  Weiss’s winning record over the four years he has been at Notre Dame is an anemic 58%.  That’s $600,000 per win.  Charlie gets a win, he gets compensated the equivalent of  three Ferrari’s.  Jack loves the guy – go figure.

Number 2) – well, you judge for yourself. 

Jack has a roommate, David.  David gets a call from Jack’s boss last week informing him that Jack did not show up for work that morning.  His boss was worried and asked David if Jack was ill.  David replyed that Jack was in the shower when he left for work at 7:30 am but volunteered to to drive home and check if everthing was okay.

When David arrived and entered the house, he heard the shower running and feared the worst.  He banged on the bathroom door and shouted:

“Jack, you OK in there?”  Jack replies:  “I’m fine.”

David:  “What the hell are you doing?  You’ve been in the shower for three hours”.

Jack:  “I’m washing my hair”.

David:  “Why is it taking you three hours to wash your hair?”

Jack:  “I don’t know, I’m just following the instructions.”

David:  “What instructions?”

Jack:  “It says to   1) wet hair,   2) apply shampoo,   3) scrub thoroughly,   4) rinse, and repeat.”

And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Shambo