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Let me say this about that.

I’ve always wanted to be one of the ‘cool guys’.  But alas, I’m an engineer, and cool guys just don’t become engineers.  Look up ‘cool’ in Webster’s dictionary, and you’ll see a picture of an engineer ……. leaving the room. 

Not being one of the cool guys gives me an amplified appreciation of what it takes to be cool – really cool.  It’s not the big, splashy, flamboyant behavior of some loud-talking blowhard.  Being really cool is the ability to exhibit a flair and touch of elan with the little things.  Let me give you a couple of examples:

A buddy and I were having a beer at an outdoor bar in a Houston suburb a few years ago.  Being outdoors, they allowed folks bring their dogs on the premises.  My friend’s mutt was…    a genetic testament that stray dogs will mate with anything.  A drunk guy was sitting at the next picnic table and asked what kind of dog it was.  My buddy replied truthfully “Heinz 57 Variety mutt”.  This ‘Urban Cowboy’ smart-ass asked the dog’s name.  My buddy said “Fido”.  The obviously drunk ‘cowboy wannabe’ continued his sarcastic tone and said “Oh, how original.  How do you spell that?”  My guy, who was raised in Montreal and spoke flawless French replied “P-h-y-d-e-a-u-x”.  Phydeaux.  Too cool.

Americans and Russians don’t see eye-to-eye on much, but seem to cooperate fairly well on space exploration.  In the early days of joint space operations, there was much promise of sharing information and costs on new technologies.  NASA was exploring areas where it could avoid spending money solving problems that had already been solved by the Russians.  One U.S. project had already consumed over $1 million in funding and seem a perfect non-confrontational place to start joint projects:

NASA:  “We have spent considerable sums on the development of a ball point pen that will work in zero gravity.  We understand you may have already solved this problem.”

Russian:  “Ya, vee solve problem and gladly give solution to NASA – for free.”

Whereupon, the Russian reached into his briefcase and handed the NASA negotiator a pencil.  Now that’s COOL!!

But, in the mid 70′s, I actually met the “King of Kool”  in a mid-town Atlanta bar called the ‘Library’.  I had stopped in after a particularly tough day for a cold beer, plus the ‘Library’ was a known hangout of ‘The Beautiful People’ … might get lucky.

As I sat down at the bar and ordered a beer, I noticed an average-looking guy next to me scribbling something on a tablet.  When the beer came, my eyes became better adjusted and I could see he was actually drawing a sketch of a woman’s face – a magnificently beautiful woman’s face.  I looked across the bar and the woman he was sketching was sitting there, alone, drinking a martini.  She was gorgeous – I mean Farrah Fawcett kinda gorgeous!!

Shambo:   “Hey man, you are a great artist.  Are you a professional?”

Artist:  “No, I’m an accountant.”

Shambo:  “You are really talented.  Damn shame it’s going to waste.”

Artist:  “Oh, it has it’s uses.”

With that, this unremarkable little guy picks up his sketch and walks over to the woman and says:

Artist:  “Excuse me ma’am, I have been sitting over there sketching your face because I wanted  a memento of  meeting the most beautiful woman in Atlanta.  But, during the half hour it took me to make the sketch, your face has been indelibly burned into my memory, so I want to give you this sketch as a gift to repay you for the gift you have given me.”

I thought that was the coolest pick-up line I ever heard.  But then, this ‘Average Joe’ proved why he was the Master – The King of Kool.  He placed the sketch on the bar, turned and walked away.  DAMN!   That was waaaay cool!!   After a few steps, the woman finally spoke and asked if he would like to join her for a drink.  He gave her an ‘aw-shucks’ kinda look, sat down next to her and ordered a martini.

Farrah Fawcett is buying this goober martinis!!!!

I payed my check and left.  As I walked out the door I knew I had just met the Master.  I was reminded of a scene from the old TV series “Kung Fu”  when the old monk advises his young  apprentice:

“Ah, you still have much to learn, Grasshoppa.”

 And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Shambo