Let me say this about that.

 

I am constantly amazed by the volume of prescription drug ads we are bombarded with every day.  It appears that we Americans have become victims of a variety of diseases, conditions, and syndromes that most of us never heard of a few years ago.  A favorite ruse by the pharmaceutical companies is to begin the ad with common symptoms we all have, and then declare you have some new…      exotic condition for which their drug is the perfect cure.

“Do you suffer from becoming sleepy at the end of each day?  Then Snorazone is for you !”

“Do you experience sweating after vigorous exercise?  Then you need Stinkapuranol!”

Pharmaceutical companies are often stalked by gadfly lawyers who bring suit against them when anyone experiences any sort of unexpected symptom.  The drug companies protect themselves by…    accompaning their ads with voluminous precautionary statements describing possible side effects.  Ads often look something like this:

“If you are over the age of 12, then you are probably like millions of other Americans who suffer from Chicken Choking Syndrome.  Left untreated, it can lead to poor vision and growth of hair on the palms.  WonderScam Pharmaceutical, through years of research and development, has developed a cure.  It’s Jacklavate!  Many patients see results after only 8 months of treatment!

Caution:  After taking Jacklavate, notify your doctor if you experience any of the following symptoms:   staccato farting  –  craving for yak meat  –  snot bubbles  –  spastic sphinctor  –  granulated goobers  –  allergy to beavers  –  ear scum  –  spit fits  –  or,  bulbous boogers.

Also, while being treated with Jacklavate,  patients are advised not to operate hot air balloons, play the kazoo, throw ducks, plug watermelons, gargle chicken broth, ride uni-cycles, or spank monkeys.”

Some of these side effect cautionary warnings run the gamut of sublime to ridiculous.  I love the warnings that accompany the ads for erectile dysfunction drugs:

“If you experience an erection lasting for more than four hours, contact your doctor immediately.”

Excuse me?  If I ever had an erection lasting  more than four hours, I’m going to be contacting Carla, Naomi, Cindy, Beverly, Natasha, La Wanda, Kristy,  Boom-Boom (long story), and the National Inquirer.  My doctor is going to be at the end of a very long list of people to contact.

Come to think of it, there are a couple of politicians and at least one lawyer I might add to that list.

And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Shambo