Let me say this about that.

I got sick of watching network news the other day, waiting for the college basketball scores and decided to try to find them on the internet.   It didn’t take long – and network news was still on so I busied myself with a little web surfing.  I ran across a couple of websites that dealt with phobias.  Holy smoke!!  I never realized there were so many things that people were afraid of.

One particularly thorough web site lists nearly 300 things that are officially recognized (by whom, I’m not sure) as fear-inducing to the point it has been assigned a name.  Some of these fears are understandible, such as Herpetophobia (the fear of snakes), Arachnephobia (the fear of spiders), Atomophobia (the fear of atomic explosions), and Selachophobia (the fear of sharks).  Others describe conditions of some pretty weird…    people. For example:

Spacephobia:  The fear of outer space.  This one is just plain stupid.  There has only been a couple of hundred guys in the entire history of man that have been to outer space and presumably they would not have gone if they were afraid of it.  If your Granny has spacephobia, reassure her she has nothing to fear.

Politicophobia:  The fear of politicians.  This phobia is similiar to the aforementioned Atomophobia.  There is just no upside here.

Hypengyophobia:  The fear of responsibility.  Not surprisingly, most people afflicted with this phobia are members of the Democratic Party.

Kainolophobia:  The fear of anything new.  You guessed it – members of the Republican Party.

Necrophobia:  The fear of the dead.  To me, this phobia is one of the most ridiculous.  The very nature of fear is that you are concerned that you will be harmed in some way.  For necrophobics, I have good news.  The dead cannot hurt you because, they are freakin’ dead !!!

Decidophobia:  The fear of making decisions.  This phobia is one of the most widespread in America in that it’s victoms make up the entire female population as well as most members of Congress.

Hadephobia:  The fear of Hell.  Most of the people afflicted with this phobia are the world’s sinners, rascals, and reprobates.  Hell is a really scary place for Hadephobics, even though they look forward to seeing some old friends.

Ouranophobia:  The fear of Heaven.  Most of the people afflicted with this phobia are the world’s sinners, rascals, and reprobates.  Heaven is a nice place, even for Ouranophobics, but they really hate giving up their lifestyle.

Ergophobia:  The fear of work.  Ergophobics are all around us and can be easily found.  All you have to do is find someone on the welfare roles, employed by the Driver’s License Bureau, or is a teenager.

Arachibutyrophobia:  I am not making this up.  Go to your dictionary and check my facts.  Arachibutyrophobia is the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.  What kind of pussy-boy must a guy be to be afraid of freakin’ peanut butter?  I mean, atomic explosions, sharks, cancer, machine gun fire – maybe.  But peanut butter?!?!

Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia:  The fear of long words.  What can I say?  I’ve told you many times, you can’t make this stuff up.

Gerontophobia:  The fear of getting old.  What kind of lame-ass phobia is this?  I have never worried about getting old, but not getting old scares the Hell outta me.

None of these phobias really hold any kind of fear-factor for me.  At my age, there are plenty of other things that are far more scary.  I offer one example:

Jailbaitophobia:  The fear of being offered sex by a hot, hard-bodied teenager, who’s 18th birthday is not until next week.  Be afraid – be very afraid.

And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Shambo