Danica Patrick

Let me say this about that.

In order to write a successful blog, one must be fearless.  Readable blog content cannot be diluted with political correctness, swayed by personal bias, nor shrink from controversy.  In my LMSTAT blog, I have taken on some of the most powerful people and institutions in the world including the U.S. federal government, the Catholic church, the Presidency, doctors, lawyers, engineers, universities, sports figures, PETA, and the entertainment industry.  Casting the bright light of day onto these entities has caused some controversy but nothing has caused as much uproar as when I took on the most powerful organization in America – NASCAR.

NASCAR is like an overweight and aging “One-Trick Pony” that has earned untold millions from people who are supposedly entertained by watching identical cars drive round-and-round.  You had to know that it would have to end sooner or later.  NASCAR now finds itself with a decreasing attendance, disappearing sponsorship, and a fan base that is beginning to realize that NASCAR rules have taken all the drama out of this vanilla flavored ‘non-sport’.  The show’s ‘hero’, Dale Earnhardt, Jr. has been exposed as a no-talent ‘also-ran’ who stays in the game just to…    sell hats and sports drink and finds himself constantly having to explain why he doesn’t win races.

Oh – what to do, what to do?

Enter some mainstream marketing wisdom.  What do you do when your product does not sell of it’s own accord?  (Oh, come on – this is simple)  You add sex.  Well DUH!!  The “Indy Racing League” or the IRL, a NASCAR competitor for the race fan dollar, has a commodity that might be the salvation for NASCAR’s rapidly deteriorating business model. 

Danica Patrick.  Oh yeah.

Danica Patrick.  Weighing in at a scant 100 pounds and an even five feet tall (four of which are legs), she is the ‘mini-badass’ of the Indy racing circuit.  It was announced a few days ago that Danica Patrick will race in a limited number of NASCAR races next year.  Many expect that she will do well in stock cars given that she is one of the top five drivers in Indy cars.  But then, who really cares?  She could roll onto the track in a 1954 Volvo sponsored by “Tidy Bowl” and I would deplete my 401k buying the stuff.  Considering the popularity of Dale Earnhardt, Jr., no one could believe that NASCAR racing is about winning anyway.  It’s about selling stuff.

Show me some redneck has-been trying to sell me “AMP Energy Drink” and Danica Patrick trying to sell me “Tidy Bowl” you know which one I’m going for. 

Interviewer:   “Mr. Shambo, I see you have  four hundred and thirty-six cases of “Tidy Bowl” here in your basement.  What are you going to do with all that stuff?”

Shambo:  “Well Bob, I can’t use it to de-scum my crapper anymore.  My pipes are already paper-thin from trying to use up the stuff.  But, as long as Danica is driving the “Tidy Bowl Volvo” I’m going to continue to buy it.  Maybe I could drink some of it.  Is there such a thing as a ‘Tidy-tini’ ?  How ’bout ‘Tidy-ritas’?”

But if you want to really set fire to the NASCAR audiance, get her a car sponsored by ‘Viagra’.  That’s not ‘Marketing’, my friend, that’s ‘Making-A-Difference’.  Inside eighteen months, there would be a baby-boom in the Deep South that would rival the population of India.  There is only one problem with developing sponsorship for Danica Patrick.  Where are you going to put all those decals on that skimpy little bikini?

And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Shambo