Michael Jackson - dead entrepreneur

Let me say this about that.

Every now and then, you hear of an Elvis Presley sighting.  I think the last one had him working as a “colonic technician” in a holistic wellness clinic in Reno.  Elvis gets around, so one never knows where he’s gonna pop-up next.  Elvis should however, take notice of  fellow dead guy,  Michael Jackson, who seems to be handling “the big dirt nap” much better than he is.  I say this because of an article I read in this morning’s Yellow Journal Gazette which reported on Jackson’s latest business venture.

According to “a person familiar with the deal” (this is another guy who really gets around – he is quoted in the newspaper almost every day), Sony Music Entertainment  has signed a contract with Jackson’s “Estate”  for $250,000,000 for a number of Jackson’s old, current, and future performances.  (Estate?  yeah, right.  Like we didn’t know Jacko isn’t pulling the strings himself from the great-beyond).  The $250 million deal is the largest contract ever signed in the music industry, far outpacing the paltry $150 million Live Nation Entertainment deal with Jay-Z  (whoever the hell Jay-Z  is).

Part of the deal is for the (surprise !!!)  ‘never-before-released‘ stuff someone has miraculously found behind the furnace in the basement of ‘Neverland Ranch’.  The deal also includes some…    re-recording of old stuff  (no surprise there) as well as a yawn-inducing film of a rehearsal for a show in which, it seems, Jackson was too dead to perform.  On the surface, all this seems like some executive at Sony must have also found a stash of Jackson’s crack behind the furnace right next to the ‘never-before-released’ goodies.  That is until you read the report that Jackson has sold 31,000,000 albums since his untimely demise !!!  For Sony, that amounts to about $434 million in gross sales.

Turns out, this crack-smoking Sony exec has happened upon an entirely new and totally innovative concept for generating new sources of revenue – signing record deals with dead guys (note to The King:  Get your ass back to Memphis – you’re about to receive an important phone call).  The opportunities presented by this concept are endless.  Try this on for size:

Frank Sinatra sings new age rap:

“Nappy ho’s in the night, see how she dances,

all across the stage, she really prances,

we’d be swapping spit,

before the night was through.

Something ’bout her couchie, was so inviting,

soon I’d have that couchie, re-igniting,

I’d dive into her pit,

for a world class screw.”

I don’t know.  Now that I hear it, it doesn’t seem like such a good idea.

There is, however, another great idea that the Sony exec included in the deal - a Michael Jackson video game.  The details are still being worked out, but here is the general idea for the game:

Michael Jackson Video Game – Rules & Instructions:

Player number one takes the controls of the “Michael Jackson” character.  Player number two takes the controls of the “Catholic Priest” character.  When the “Start” button is pushed, twenty 10-year old boys are released into a bedroom.  One point is scored for every time one of the characters, ….. uh well, ‘scores’.  First one to eleven points, wins.  However, deductions from the score are given for restraining orders, rape convictions and (welcome to America) being politically incorrect.

And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Shambo