Superhero

Let me say this about that.

Every year since 1948, the folks at Gallup Polls have conducted a survey to determine the people most admired by Americans.  The results of their latest poll was published recently in USA Today.  According to the good people at Gallup, Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin are in a virtual tie as the woman most admired by Americans.  That – dear readers – says a helluva lot more about the intelligence of the average American than it does about either lady….. but I digress.

Also, in a virtual tie for 3rd place are a daytime gossip show personality and some broad sleeping with a politician – Oprah Winfrey and Michelle Obama.  I can, maybe, understand Winfrey’s popularity, but “Admiration”?  Mother Teresa, you can roll over now.  As for Michelle Obama ………… quick – name three things this woman has ever done to inspire admiration.  Too hard?  OK, name ONE.

As for the guys, it’s no surprise that Barack Obama got 1st place, George Bush got 2nd, and Nelson Mandela placed 3rd.  Not necessarily my top 3 choices, but I can see a little more logic in these selections than in the women’s.  However, the really entertaining part of the most admired male poll was the tie for 4th place…    (Authors note:  Now I will admit that, on occasion, I have taken a tiny bit of poetic license in this blog, but the statement I am about to make is literal, truthful, and verbatim, right out of the survey – so help me God).  Fourth place in the latest poll of the man most admired by Americans is a tie between Glenn Beck and Pope Benedict XVI. 

Take a deep breath and let that soak in for a minute.

When I read that, I was struck instantly by a severe case of ‘writer’s block.’  I had no words.  My reaction was a muddled mass of dumbfounded, thunderstruck, flabbergasted astonishment.  There are approximately 3,500,000,000 men living on the planet today, and a ultra-conservative wing-nut and a tarnished, pedophile-enabling old fart in a funny hat and gown are tied for America’s 4th most admired man – in the entire freakin’ world !!!!!

How did Americans get so stupid ?!?!

For the next month or so, I sat about trying to answer that very question.  After considerable research, I eliminated atomic radiation, chlorine in the water supply, smoking crack, watching daytime TV, studying at liberal arts colleges, being licked in the mouth by dogs, and excessive masturbation as the root cause for America’s chronic stupidity.  But at long last, I found the root cause of the mass stupefaction of America – childhood Superheroes.

Oh, you might think being a fan of a particular superhero when we were ten years old was harmless enough, but that ‘admiration’  sowed the seeds of our adult value system and has manifested itself in our complete inability to distinguish ‘admirability’ from simple ‘name recognition.’  Let me give you an example:

SUPERMAN: 

Superman was really cool, at least on the surface.  He was disguised as Clark Kent, mild-mannered reporter.  Remarkably, his only disguise was – wait for it, wait for it – a pair of glasses !  We were told that this disguise completely bamboozled a few million people in the city of Metropolis for years – and we believed it.

When Superman was needed for a rescue, he would pop into the nearest phone booth and quickly remove his suit and tie to exit in his Superman costume.  Somehow, the fact that phone booths were made out of glass was never explained as being pertinent to the whole disguise / costume thing – and we believed it.

Superheros are superheros because they have superpowers.  Superman had a bunch – he could fly, he was bullet-proof and he had x-ray vision.  Using his power of x-ray vision, Superman could actually see through a six foot thick concrete wall.  However, it was apparent that this superpower was insufficient to pierce the exterior of a silk blouse.  Very disappointing to a ten year old boy – but we believed it.

After ten or twelve years of pre-adolescent indoctrination in the traits of superheros, common sense has become irrelevant in the evaluation of people we are told we should admire.  Is it any wonder that Hillary Clinton, Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, and a now-disgraced religious icon, are among the most admired by the American people?  How long can it be before Wile E. Coyote is awarded the Nobel Prize in Physics?

And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Shambo