Dale Junior - Mayonnaise Salesman

Let me say this about that.

NASCAR fans get a lot of flack for being a bunch of ignorant, tobacco chewing, pick-up truck driving rednecks.  I vehemently disagree !!  In fact, I have devised an IQ test to measure the intelligence of NASCAR fans which I believe will lay to rest the reputation – for good –  that NASCAR fans are just a bunch of hicks.  The IQ test consists of only five multiple-choice questions (answers are below):

1) Which has the greater mathematical possibility of occurring?

a) The Loch Ness Monster being found in the Mississippi River.

b) A new Ice Age beginning next Thursday.

c) Elvis discovered working in Las Vegas as a Michael Jackson impersonator.

d) Dale Earnhardt Jr winning a NASCAR race within the next year.

 

2) Which of the following persons can be said to be living lives solely based on “HOPE” and “FAITH”?

a) Billy Graham.

b) The Pope.

c) Barack Obama.

d) Dale Earnhardt Jr fans…   

 

3) Which of the following holds the record for the longest stretch without a win?

a) The Polish national ‘Light-Bulb-Changing’ team.

b) The baseball team from the Arkansas School for the Blind.

c) The British Petroleum (BP) Marketing Department.

d) Dale Earnhardt Jr.

 

4) Which comedy team has the funniest comedy routine, ever?

a) Abbott & Costello’s “Who’s On First” routine.

b) Smothers Brother’s “Mom Always Liked You Best” routine.

c) Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner’s “Acme Parachute Company” routine.

d) NASCAR race broadcaster’s “This is Dale Earnhardt Jr’s Year” routine.

 

5) What will be the legacy of Dale Earnhardt Jr’s racing career?

a) Blue jean salesman.

b) Insurance salesman.

c) Mayonnaise salesman.

d) Energy drink salesman.

 

 

If you chose all five correctly, you have at least, the IQ of an avocado.  Plus, you have earned the right to Upgrade yourself from Dale Earnhardt Jr fan – to – one of the following superior drivers:

 

I get a lot of criticism from Dale Earnhardt Junior fans for constantly pointing out that “Junior’s” 7-year reign as NASCAR’s “Most Popular Driver” is based solely on marketing, rather than his skill as a race car driver.  As proof, I simply point out that Earnhardt Jr has won but a single race in his last 157 attempts – spanning a period over the last five years.  In that same period, EIGHTEEN drivers have won MORE races – including an astounding 31 wins by Jimmie Johnson, 15 wins by Kyle Busch and 12 wins by Denny Hamlin.  Yet not a one of these more talented 18 winners  have been able to unseat Earnhardt Jr as the “Most Popular Driver”.

The reason? Marketing.

The marketing of Dale Earnhardt Jr is a Madison Avenue case study.  Earnhardt Jr’s persona as a down-home “good ‘ol boy” has resulted in a goldmine of endorsement deals.  During the same period of time covering his single victory, Earnhardt Jr has acted as a commercial spokesman for the following companies:

* Adidas

* Budweiser

* KFC

* Sony

* NAPA

* Domino’s Pizza

* Gillette

* Enterprise Rent-a-Car

* Drakkar Noir Cologne

* Time Warner

* Roadrunner Internet

* Wrangler Jeans

* Chevrolet

* Army National Guard

* Polaris ATV’s

* Tylenol

* Champion Spark Plugs

* U.S. Navy

* Go Daddy.com

* Quaker State Oil

* Carchex

* Amp Energy Drink

* Nationwide Insurance

And last, but not least (but surely the most degrading) -

* Hellman’s Mayonnaise.

‘Results’   (remember those?)  prove that Dale Earnhardt Jr is, at best, a mediocre race car driver whose fans continually fail the IQ test given earlier.  After all, while doing all these commercials, the poor man has no time to improve his driving skills.   But as long as ‘Junior’ is hawking everything from Kentucky Fried Chicken to mayonnaise, he doesn’t need to win to be popular with fans who are blessed with an IQ below that of an avocado.

Anybody up for a trip to Vegas to catch the Michael Jackson impersonator’s act?

And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Shambo