Let me say this about that.

Yesterday’s LMSTAT blog bemoaned the fact that you just can’t believe everything you see anymore.  This is especially true since the advent of ‘Photoshop’ software – the digitization software that allows you to modify original photographs, and morph the picture into anything you want.  Since the existence of a photograph is no longer proof that it depicts a ‘real’ situation, it could be logically argued that the old adage “a picture is worth 1,000 words” now makes more sense as “a word is worth 1,000 pictures”.

Yesterday’s blog displayed five photographs.  The reader was asked to examine the photos and pick out the single photograph that had been “Photoshopped”.   Today, we are going to do just the opposite.  Again, five photographs are presented, but all of them have been “Photoshopped” except one.  Your job – find the real one.  Also, I have attached a…    descriptive narrative to help you in your pursuit.

Temper-tantrum prevention device

 

TODDLER TEMPER-TANTRUM PREVENTION DEVICE:  All new parents are faced with a common problem that arrives shortly after their newborns – the temper tantrum.  Once it starts, it seems that nothing can satisfy the the youngster, and the screaming, crying, and hissy-fits can go on for hours.  The hysteria can drive new parents insane, deprive them of sleep, and generally create havoc in what previously was a romantic love nest.

Modern child psychology often advises parents to exercise patience, show the baby that he is loved, and give the child toys to occupy his mind.  They also suggest giving the child an oral device (pacifier) to suck on.  This practice, the psychologists believe, can halt the temper-tantrum in a couple of hours.  Professional babysitters agree – especially if the oral device is selected from the “Marquis de Sade” collection.

Scottish Highland cat tossing

 

CAT TOSSING CHAMPIONSHIPS:  Since the beginning of large scale TV broadcasts of sports in the 1950′s, the world’s sportsfans have been treated to a variety of sporting events, some we never knew even existed.  Eclectic events such as the Iditirod dog-sled race, the America’s Cup yacht race, Japanese Sumo wrestling, bird dog field trials, bass fishing tournaments, and (my favorite) women’s beach volleyball have gained large followings.

TV producers never know which events sportsfans are going to enjoy, so they often show short film clips of a new sport on their weekly ‘Sports Report’ programs.  The producers then judge the reaction of the viewing audience and select the most popular for continued coverage.

A recent example of an overnight hit was the broadcast of the “Scottish Highlands Cat Tossing Championships” from Edinburgh, Scotland.  The producers explained the instant success of this program by suggesting that nothing is as entertaining to the American audience as watching a big burly guy in a skirt pitching the pussy.

Combination lock for blonds

 

TOOLS FOR BLONDES:  It is common knowledge that ‘Women-of-the-Blonde-Persuasion’ are often challenged by devices common in the modern world.  Being a bit of a ‘do-it-yourself’ buff, I often visit my local hardware store to purchase supplies and tools needed for my projects.  It is not uncommon to witness a blonde ‘handi-bimbo’ searching the hardware store for such items as ‘metric hammers’, ‘left handed hacksaws’, ‘double sticky-sided wallpaper’, and a ‘screw undriver’.

I normally give these ladies a wide berth for fear they may seek my assistance in the search for their “objects”.  I cannot imagine anything more embarrassing than walking up to the gruff old fart in the Home Depot ‘Home and Garden Department’ and asking if he can help the blonde lady find a supply of disposable garbage bags.

I think that someone should recognize that an incredible business opportunity is going wanting.  What the world needs is is a catalogue of tools, utensils and household devices specifically tailored to the needs of blondes, Polish handymen, and French engineers.  If someone ever develops this catalogue, I have the perfect product to grace the cover of this speciality catalogue – a “Combination Lock for Blondes”.

Yorky Bareback Riding

 

YORKY BAREBACK RIDING:  Every professional athlete believes he is the toughest guy in the sport.  Members of the Greenbay Packers football team are never lacking in self-confidence when they take the field for a sixty minute brawl with the Chicago Bears.  Why?  Because they are tough.

Hockey players claim that, pound-for-pound, they are the toughest guys in professional sports.  This claim is vigorously disputed by marathon runners, motocross riders, mountain climbers, bull fighters, weight lifters, boxers, marshal artists, rugby players and bull riders.

But none of these sports command the skill, courage, stamina, or toughness of that special brand of athlete that lays his life on the line in the “Sport of the Titans”  – Yorky Bareback Riding !!!

Redneck Chili Cookoff

 

REDNECK CHILI COOKOFF:  For those of you who do not live in the southern part of the United States, you may not understand the importance and seriousness given to chili.

Chili, in the deep south, is given the same reverence as squab in fine New York restaurants, escargot in Paris restaurants, seafood in the Pacific northwest and a good steak in Texas.  A good chili receipe has been the root cause for more than one marriage proposal in the state of Georgia.

“Chili Cookoffs” are a common practice in the south, and once a year, the “Championship Chili Cookoff” is held in Biloxi, Mississippi with thousands of people vying for the coveted title of the ‘Best Chili in the South’.  A regrettable by-product of this event, however, is a lime green methane cloud that often hangs over Biloxi for days, folllowing the cookoff.  The good people that service the Porta-Potties at the event have even taken to renting accessories for their portable toilets.

(note: the only real photo in the bunch is the last one)

And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Shambo