Is bigger really better?

Let me say this about that.

About a year ago, I wrote an article for this blog entitled “Penis size – does it really matter?”  Since the LMSTAT blog was started in 2009, this single article has received more hits than any other – by far.  I have no way of knowing who among you has such a fascination with penis size, but from several comments you’ve submitted I’m guessing the 13 – 17 year old male constitutes the majority.  This particular demographic generally does not know – exactly – what to do with their penis at this stage of their development, at least when it involves a second human being.  So, I figure I must be providing some kind of needed service for these young lads with this type of research.

“What else?” , I wondered, could I do to help my young brethren, newly introduced to puberty, to become acclimated to their future life - destined to be dedicated to the conquest of  (don’t mean to get too technical here) “da Booty”.  What else I wondered, does every male of the species, think about every waking moment of his day?  The answer came to be in a flash.

Women’s breasts ……………  mammaries, busts, bosoms, hooters, titties, gazonkas, bazooms, boobs, jugs, knockers, honkers, melons, and finally for the crude, but articulate – ‘dairy pillows’. 

It is a fair assumption that if the average American male believes the magnitude of his ‘Baloney Pony’ is an asset, he probably has an appreciation for…    large women’s breasts.  Do men really want boobs that are bigger?  Is bigger better?  Well, first you have to ask “….. bigger than what?”

Measuring a penis is a snap compared to measuring  hooters.  First of all, there are two of them, some of which do not even constitute a matched pair.  Secondly, they come in all sorts of shapes that require measurements of length, width, diameter, volume, angle, slope, proportion, position, and god knows what all.  Then there is the troubling issue of the ‘nipple’.  It has all the size and shape variables as the breasts, but the damn thing changes in size and rigidity, given certain stimuli known only to women.  And finally, there is that little brown ‘lily pad’  that the nipple rests upon whose purpose is a complete mystery.

When it comes to measuring breasts, most men use a qualitative, non-specific sizing methodology that utilizes a sliding scale ranging from “fried egg” to “atomic bazooms”.  Think Tweegie – to – Dolly Parton and you get the idea.  But women are forced into using a much more specific and quantitative measurement process because they wear a contraption known as a bra.   Women insist that the extra ‘support’  afforded by a bra is necessary for comfort and so they all wear them, even the fried-egg crowd.  So how do women measure their breasts in order to buy a bra of matching size and shape?

You won’t believe it.

The following “Instructions For Measuring Breasts” was lifted from a women’s web site, but the methodology seems to be universal.  The reason I chose this specific set of instructions is that it demonstrates why women should  never be asked to measure anything:

 “Measure all the way around your chest underneath your breast and round off to the nearest whole inch.  If that measurement is under 33″, add 5″.  If this number is odd, round up to the next even number.  If the chest measurement is over 33″, add 3″.  If this number is odd, round up to the next even number.  This number is your ‘Band Size’. Subtract your chest measurement from this adjusted measurement (Band Size) and the difference will lead to your ‘Cup Size’ on the following chart.”

0″ ….. cup size AA 

1″  ….. cup size A

2″ ….. cup size B

3″ ….. cup size C

4″ ….. cup size D

5″ ….. cup size E

6″ ….. your cup runneth over

 What in the hell did that just say?  It could have been driving instructions between Cleveland and Peoria and made more sense.  Women would be much better off using the infinitely simpler “fried egg” to “atomic bazooms” scale the guys use.

So, do guys prefer 38″ ‘atomic bazooms’ with a ‘D’ cup  over a smaller 33″ ‘fried egg’ with a ‘A’ cup?  The answer will surprise every woman reading this blog.  After extensive research, utilizing the full resources and staff available at ‘Let Me Say This About That’ , the results of our survey “Women’s breasts – what men really think” is ready for publication.

A single survey question was put to each man and surprisingly, the results transcended men of different ages, marital status, race, education, religion and socio-economic status.  That single question was:

“What attracts you most about a woman’s breast?

The numbers listed below show the  percentage of men indicating the most attractive attribute of a woman’s breast.

 1) 90% ….. ACCESSIBILITY.   That’s right ladies.  You got’em.  We want’em.  It doesn’t matter if you have bigger boobs than Pamela Anderson, if we can’t get to them, they aren’t doing us any good.

2) 5%  ….. ATTACHED TO A WOMAN.  OK, technically this attribute should have been a ‘given’, but when it comes to titties, guys don’t take anything for granted. 

3) 2%  ….. ATTACHED TO A ‘LIVE’  WOMAN.  When I said that guys don’t take anything for granted when it comes to titties, this 2% of the survey respondents just makes my point.

4) 1% ….. NOT ATTACHED TO MOM OR SIS.  This attribute garnered no support in the Deep South.  Apparently our redneck brothers have a more ‘elastic’ set of standards than the rest of us.

5) 1% ….. BIG ENOUGH FOR A MOUTH-FULL.  This is the first mention of ‘size’ from the survey respondents, indicating that ‘bigger may be better’, but only up to a point.

6) 1% ….. OK, we mistakenly got a few gay guys answering the survey, and their answers were too much, even for this blog.

So dear readers, you now know what men really think about women’s breasts.  And for all you ladies out there who believe your ‘fried eggs’ are not attractive to men, see survey answer #1.

And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Shambo