Tiger Woods - master whiner

Let me say this about that.

whine:  [hwahyn, wahyn] – verb. To utter, in a nasal tone, unfounded complaints.  To snivel in a peevish and self-pitying way.  To accuse, without basis, someone else for one’s own self-created problems.

They have been with us all our lives – WHINERS.  In grammar school there was always some kid who complained: “…. somebody pushed me …. the dog ate my homework …. he doesn’t play fair …. she’s the teacher’s pet”.  When you became an adult, there was always someone in the office complaining: “…. I didn’t get the promotion because of office politics …. she slept her way to the top …. he’s a brown-noser …. he got promoted because he’s a minority”.

But, let me set you straight folks, and this is the truest thing you will ever hear.  There are no bigger whiners anywhere than in professional sports.  If you are looking for a tried and true formula in pro sports it looks something like this:   “The bigger the income and the lower the IQ, the bigger the whiner”.

Next to pro athletes, Charlie Sheen looks like…    John Wayne.  One would think that pro athletes, with their big bucks, adoring fans, and hot trophy wives would be the happiest people on Earth.  But noooooooo.  They have all kinds of problems and it’s somebody else’s fault.  Let me take this opportunity to point out some of the most culpable.

Barry Bonds:  I don’t mean to pick on a guy who is so lame that he escorted himself into irrelevancy, but screw him – he’s a whiner.  No one would argue that Bonds was a great hitter …. perhaps just a mediocre all-around baseball ‘player’, but unquestionably a great hitter.  But, Mr. Bonds was not happy with zillions of dollars, a good looking wife and a great looking girlfriend, he wanted to make history.  He watched on the sidelines as Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa chased the single season home run record that he wanted for himself.  To kick things up a notch, and in the opinion of most baseball fans, he started taking steroids and human growth hormones.  After a couple of years of juicing, the man’s head looked like a freakin’ jack-o-lantern. Yet Bonds continued to deny he was taking steroids.  When he was caught being injected by a trainer in the locker room, he claimed he didn’t know what was in the needle.  QUESTION:  Would you let a ‘gym rat’ inject something into your veins without knowing what it was? 

Bond’s got caught – was indicted for lying to a Grand Jury about it – and blamed someone else.  Barry Bonds – forget the Hall-of-Fame.  You’ll always be remembered as a WHINER.

Terrell Owens:  You can always tell a narcissistic gas bag when he refers to himself in the third person.  Terrell Owens never refers to himself as “I” – it is always “T. O.”   T.O. do this, T.O. gonna do dat, T.O. da man.  Wasn’t it Owens that was quoted as saying during a contract negotiation: “I can’t feed my family on $9 million” ?  Experts disagree on the quote, but it would be classic Owens.  The man is a self-made lighting rod because he cannot shut up.  And when faults are pointed out, predictably, he blames the coaches, the referees, the owners, his fellow players, the press, and anyone else who pops into his pea-sized brain.  There is no question about the validity of one of his most famous quotes: “I feel like football players are overworked and underpaid compared to any other sports”.  Well, how about compared to someone like, oh, say …. a SOLDIER …. you egocentric punk?

Now playing for the Cincinnati Bengals, Owens was quoted by the Kansan City Star as blaming the 2010 Bengals dismal 4 – 12 season on “under-performing coaches”.  My opinion: “T.O. be a WHINER !!!”

Dale Earnhardt, Jr.:  I’ll confess it may be insensitive to point out the faults of someone who is so dimwitted that he speaks like the dialogue coach for the “Beverly Hillbillies”. “Little E”, as he is affectionately called by his fans, is the poster boy for today’s upcoming crop of new-age whiners.  Out of the last 100+ plus NASCAR Sprint Cup races, Earnhardt Jr. has won exactly (wait – let me count them up quickly) ZERO races.  The fact that he has been selected the most popular driver in NASCAR for 8 years in a row simply proves incest is still a problem in the deep south.  While driving for Earnhardt Racing (a team previously owned by his late father) he blamed his lack of success on the new owners.  When he switched to a new racing team, he blamed his losses on his car, then his crew chief.  When his car and crew chief were changed, he blamed failings on the new crew chief.  Now he has yet another new crew chief (his 4th in 5 years) a new car, a new crew, and he still hasn’t won a race.  After another one of his recent poor performances, a reporter asked him about it.  He articulated his response in the most intellectual language at his disposal: “I don’t give a sh*t!”  Ahhh, the eloquence of ‘Little E’.

Dale Earnhardt, Jr. – most popular driver - icon of the South – role model for youth – and big ass WHINER!

Roger Clemens:  Oh, we’re getting into some major league whiners now.  Clemens may be the worst kind, if you believe, like many others, that he faked injury when his pitching went to hell.  Evidence?  You decide:  1999 ALCS Game #2,  Clemens gives up five runs in the first inning before leaving with claims of a ‘bad back’ ….  2001 ALDS Game #1, after giving up two home runs, Clemens leaves the game with a ‘pulled hamstring’ …. 2003 ALCS Game #7, Clemens gives up four runs, including a home run before leaving the game with yet another ‘ham string pull’ …. 2005 World series Game #1, Clemens gives up three runs in two innings before leaving the game with ‘leg problems’.  Roger will never admit to a poor performance – his problems are always because of injury.  Perhaps his upcoming trial for lying to Congress about steroid use will give him a chance to prove he was a great pitcher with injuries that only appeared when he pitched poorly. 

Roger Clemens – Mr. Roger (‘I don’t feel well’) Clemens, future Hall-of-Fame WHINER.

Tiger Woods:  Never has an athlete with so much talent, with such bad judgement, with such a propensity for lying, with such a giant ego, with such a giant fortune, had to resort to faking injury to account for poor performance.  Proving an athlete is faking an injury is almost impossible.  Poor ‘ol sports fans like us can only use our common sense to determine is something is awry.  Ponder recent ‘injuries’ sustained by Tiger Woods ….. Achilles tendon – bad knee – bulging disc – leg pain – calf cramps – neck injury.  What I find interesting is that NONE of these ailments are obvious to the casual observer.  In other words, there are no outwardly observable signs of proof.  We only have the word of a guy who has proven to be one of the world’s most talented liars.  And secondly, Woods never seemed to have any of these injuries before he got caught playing ‘hide-the-sausage’ with half the hookers in Las Vegas.  Woods is too ego-maniacal to ever admit his game is slipping.  His problems are always due to factors beyond his control – injuries (sure they are), birds chirping while he is on the tee, airplanes flying over the course, cameramen snapping photos while he is playing, the press, his ex-wife, his dead daddy, the wind, lack of play, too much play, poor swing coaching, hookers going public, and on and on and on.  We’ve heard them all at one time or another. Is there nothing that happens on the planet Earth that doesn’t impede poor Tiger’s play?  His plan seems to be to convince his fans, who are not much brighter than those of Dale Earnhardt, Jr., that his main problems are due to injuries that have a convenient way of appearing on-demand.

Tiger Woods, I ain’t buying it.  You may never win another ‘Major”, but in my book, you’ll always be a Major WHINER.

And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Shambo