BBQ'd raccoon - mmmmmm

Let me say this about that.

Every so often, we hear a story that shakes our confidence that man is really at the top of the food chain.  There was the recent news coverage of the lady in the Florida Keys who caused an accident while driving down the highway as she shaved her “coochie”.  But hell, everyone living in the Keys is a little off-center.  Then, there was the bill introduced into the Florida legislature last year that would make it unlawful for humans to have sex with  alligators, but aren’t all politicians busy with crucial legislation such as this?

But now, we are confronted by the startling revelation that all NASCAR fans may not be candidates for membership in MENSA.  Shocking really, as NASCAR fans paint themselves as the prototype for ‘real Americans.’  But if this latest story is true, I’m afraid that we all might have to start taking banjo lessons.

Shortly after the completion of this years NASCAR race in Bristol, Tennessee, a 27 year old race fan was arrested for ‘streaking’  through a convenience store parking lot. First of all, this incident proves that NASCAR fans are about thirty years behind the latest fad.  ‘Streaking’ was abandoned by most of the civilized world back in the 70′s, but one explanation might be that this young man lived in West Virginia.

And, yes, there was alcohol involved which added a charge of “public drunkenness” to “indecent exposure”.  Much of this might have been written off as the bad judgement of youth, but then things got really weird.  Waiting in the car for the young man to complete a couple of nude victory laps around the convenience store parking lot, was his girlfriend – and…    a raccoon.

Let me repeat for those of you who may have never met a NASCAR fan from West Virginia – a RACCOON !!!

The purpose of having a raccoon in the car could not be explained by the ‘streaker’, nor his girlfriend, but it resulted in a third arrest charge of “wildlife possession”.  Apparently in Tennessee, possession of a dead raccoon in the back seat of your car is called “hunting”, but if the raccoon is alive, it’s called “wildlife possession” – a misdemeanor punishable under the law.  I’m just thinking-out-loud here, but apparently Tennessee law enforcement officers feared that something worse than “death” might befall the poor raccoon while hitching a ride with a drunk NASCAR fan from West Virginia.  I can understand their concern.

The ‘streaker’ was later released from jail after posting a $1500 bond, but the story does not end there.  Apparently, the girlfriend overheard one of the police officers explaining the whole sordid tale to a local newspaper journalist and flew into a hysterical rage.  She was later consoled by the realization that the policeman’s description that  “… waiting in the car for the young nudest was a furry companion”, was not referring to her or any of her body parts.

Defying all logic, the only one in this perverted saga that is still incarcerated is the raccoon.  Where is the justice in America today?

Rumors persist that the young man and his girlfriend had only stopped by the convenience store to pick up some BBQ sauce and a bag of charcoal briquets, leading some to believe that this whole affair was just a hunting trip gone bad …… and the ‘streaking’ through the parking lot being nothing more than a joyful dance in celebration of a much anticipated lunch of Bar B Que’d raccoon.

As I said, the young lad was a NASCAR fan from West Virginia.

And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Shambo