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Let me say this about that.

When I retired seven years ago, my wife and I moved to a small town with a population of under 200 people.  Not much happens in our little village and there are few opportunities for entertainment, so television provides a large part of our amusement.  One of the evils that accompanies television is the commercial, especially the repetitive ones. Some hawk cleaning products, some free credit reports and some advertise matchmaking services  like “eBaloney.com”.

Unless you’ve been making a living harvesting bat guano in a Borneo cave, you’ve seen these commercials for online matchmaking services; there are literally dozens of them. They promise to find a perfect mate for you from millions of single folks who subscribe to their service.  Most base their matchmaking process on comparing multiple aspects of your background, interests, education, and personality with that of potential mates.  The process requires you to answer a couple of hundred questions on their questionnaire, describing yourself and the type of person you are looking for.  Simple.

I have been bombarded by these commercials to the point where I finally decided to find out what made these companies so popular.  So, I bit the bullet and completed a questionaire.  At first my wife expressed some trepidation, as all men are pigs and are not to be trusted; especially one that clearly has too much time on his hands.  But she finally agreed to go along because, in addition to…    matching you with compatible mates, some of these services also provide a  personality classification.  My wife was to review  results of this assessment to see if the process came anywhere close to describing her spouse of a couple dozen years.  She also agreed to review profiles of women matched with me to see if any of the neighborhood ladies presented any potential competition.  Yeah, right.

The questionnaire was fairly straightforward and presented only a few problems.  One part asked about marital status.  I tried to get around this obstacle by answering the question: “Have you ever been widowed?”  by responding “Not yet”.   Another part asked me to: “Describe a perfect wife”.  I responded: ” A woman that is open minded, has few VERY close girlfriends, and a sickly father who owns a liquor store”. 

There was another section that asked about sexual habits and preferences.  In the years I made my living as an engineer, I was often referred to as a nerd and a geek, so when the questionnaire asked:  “What is your preferred method of birth control?”  My response was: “My personality”.  The next question asked: “What is the most important characteristic you look for in a sexual partner?”   My wife was walking through the kitchen when I was about to type my answer into the laptop and suggested: “Low expectations”. 

The last question in this section concerned motivation and asked: “What can your sexual partner do to entice you to have sex?”  I answered for every man in America when I responded: “Show up”.

And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Shambo