Reality show on steroids

Sep 9th
Posted by shambo  as entertainment, Nascar, Sports, Television


Let me say this about that.

In 2001, the Writer’s Guild of America went on strike against network television.  The strike lasted only for 22 days, but it forever changed TV entertainment.  The writer’s union mistakenly believed that the drivel their membership pumped into D-list sitcoms was actually entertaining.  It wasn’t.  And during the strike, the “Reality Show” was born.  “Reality TV” doesn’t require writers, or actors, or much of anything else.  It usually involves some kind of lame competition and a little prize money.  It’s sort of like The Jerry Springer Show – except they keep score.

The current batch of reality shows feature dancing, or cooking, or dating, or whatever.  They were more entertaining than sitcoms – at least at first – but have since worn a little thin.  What’s needed now is…    a new kind of reality show that kicks it up a notch.  As you might imagine, I have a few suggestions.

“Friday Night Hatchet Tossing”:

MC:  “Well good evening viewers and welcome to the semifinal round of ‘Friday Night Hatchet Tossing’.  Frank, you are one toss away from entering the ‘Money Round’.  The toss distance tonight is increased to 25 feet.  Catch the hatchet from this distance and you’re in the money.  Also, say hello to this evening’s Guest Tosser – Brett Favre.  Brett, are you ready to toss?”

Brett:  “Indeed I am, Bob.”

MC:  “Frank, are you ready for Brett’s toss?”

Frank:  “I was born ready, Bob.”

MC:  “OK, Brett, let’er rip…… Yes, yes it’s a high tight looping toss that………. oooh, slipped right through Frank’s hands.  Looks like Brett might have put a little too much zip on that one, folks.  We’ll look at slo-mo replay right after this word from STATE FARM, The Good Hands People……can somebody get a mop and clean up this mess?”

“NASCAR Cat Racing”:

Kyle:  “Well, D.W., here we are in the final laps of the championship of the National Association of Sport Cat Racing (NASCAR).  It’s been a real doozie.”

D.W.:  “At’s rite, Kyle, that number 24 Tabby cat still has the lead, but the number 48 Calico cat is a-comin’ on strong.”

Kyle:  “Holy Moses, D.W.,  the number 14 Persian cat just choked up a fur ball and is into the wall….and here comes the yellow flag.”

D.W.:  “And here they come down pit road.  The number 28 cat just took on a load of Sunoco Racing Tuna and is first back on the track.”

“Snake Juggling With The Stars”:

MC:  “OK Larry, last week you advanced to the final round by juggling 3 Copperheads for the required 60 seconds.  Do you want to take the money and quit, or go for glory with 4 snakes?”

Larry:  “Glory is my middle name, Bob.”

MC:  “OK, then, your celebrity partner will reach into the secret box that determines what kind of snakes you will be juggling tonight.  Brittany, what snake did Larry draw?”

Brittany:  “Oh, bad news Larry.  You’ve drawn the King Cobra!”

MC:  “There he goes, ladies and gentlemen, Larry has 4 King Cobras in the air and…..

Larry:  “Aaaaaaiiiiieeeeeee!!!!”

MC:  “Oh, crap.  Can somebody get a mop and clean up this mess?”

And, that’s all I have to say about that.




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