Uga VII

Let me say this about that.

Question:  What happens when you mix good intentions with stupidity?   Answer:  A dumb idea. 

Dumb ideas abound in America, in part because we have a huge base of good-intentioned people.  Regrettably, because we also have abandoned disciplining our children and allowed our education system to become little more than a government run baby-sitting service, we also have a huge base of stupid people.  Good-intentioned people, who exit our schools with little useful knowledge, tend to gravitate to one of the thousands of government and private agencies who’s self-proclaimed mission is to “help” someone or something.  One such agency is PETA:  People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.  Decent folks with some pretty stupid ideas.  Let me give you an example.

The mascot of the University of Georgia is a pure bred white English Bulldog who’s name is an acronym for the university – “Uga”, pronounced ‘Uh-Guh’.  Since 1956, when the first Uga became the official mascot of the university, direct descendants of the original 1956 dog – now referred to as ‘Uga I’ – have replaced each previous generation as they died.  Regrettably, the most recent mascot, Uga VII,  passed away last week of congestive heart failure.  As a side note, the four year old dog had been given…    an examination by the University of Georgia Veterinary School, and was given a clean bill of health only a few days earlier (reference the previous statement regarding the state of our education system – and a previous blog on the  “Worst College Awards“).  Apparently Uga’s HMO did not allow him to select his own health services provider.

Due to the untimely expiration of the young ‘Uga VII’,  the selection of a new dog to become ‘Uga VIII’ may take some weeks.  Understandably, as this tradition has been in place longer than Alaska and Hawaii have been states, a great deal of ceremony, pomp and circumstance is involved in the selection.  But it seems PETA has a better idea.

A few days ago, a representative of PETA sent an e-mail to the University of Georgia Athletic Director suggesting that it was a good idea NOT to replace the old mascot with another ‘live’ dog.  Instead, she suggested Uga VII be replaced by an “animatronic dog”.  In other words, a robotic “Rover”.  Never mind the fact Uga mascots live a lifestyle similar to the King of Spain, the PETA representative felt that the cramped quarters on the jet in which the dog is ferried to ‘AWAY GAMES’  generated too much stress on the animal.

The engineering students at the bitterly hated in-state rival, Georgia Tech, immediately jumped on PETA’s idea and demanded that they be included on the ‘approved bidder’s list’ to design and build the robotic “Rover”.  The brainiacs in the University of Georgia administration could not decide if the Georgia Tech engineers were being serious or not – owing to the fact that Tech is home to one of the best robotic research programs in the country.

I contacted the head of the PhD program at the Georgia Tech Robotics Center and asked for comments:

Shambo:  “So, Dr. Pudknocker, is it true that Georgia Tech is serious about developing a robotic ‘Uga VIII’ to replace a live dog?”

Dr. Pudknocker:  “Oh yes, we have some of our leading researchers working on it already.  But, as you may imagine, there are many technical challenges that must be overcome.”

Shambo:  “Technical challenges?  Like what?”

Dr. Pudknocker:  “Well, for one, we haven’t figured out a way to make a robotic dog lick his balls.”

And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Shambo