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Let me say this about that.

In 1989 there was an animated movie released called “All Dogs Go To Heaven”.  It popped-up on the cable guide the other night as I was searching for a movie to watch during dinner.  I didn’t watch the movie.  I haven’t watched cartoons since I was a kid.  But I got to thinking about the title and started wondering if it might be possible – that all dogs actually do go to heaven.

Putting my engineering logic to work, it occurred to me that – if indeed there IS a Heaven – dogs were a damn-sight more likely to be admitted than humans.  It goes without question that there would be no cats in residence – but I digress.

It further occurred to me that all dogs are not ‘perfect’.  That being the case, there must be some sort of vetting process before just any ‘ol dog can be granted admittance into the paradisaical kingdom.  It would seem logical that St Peter, the guardian of the Pearly Gates to Heaven, would at least ask a few questions regarding…    behavior, good and bad deeds, and if they had been a “good doggie” during their time on Earth before granting passage.  It might go something like this:

St Peter:  “OK, next in line.  And what is your name?”

Fido:  “Fido, sir.  Am I going to be allowed into Heaven?”

St Peter:  “Not so fast, Fido.  Says here in the Book that you had the habit of peeing in your water bowl.  Is this true?”

Fido:  “Yes sir.  But I only did it because my master pees in a water bowl, too.”

St Peter:  “OK Fido, not your fault you had a poor role model.  You may pass through.  Next in line.  Name please.”

Bullshitz:   “My name is ‘Bullshitz’, Sir.”

St Peter:  “How dare you use that kind of language here, young man!!  You will never get into Heaven with a potty-mouth like that.  How in the Hell did you ever come to be called ‘Bullshitz’ in the first place?”

Bullshitz:  ” Well sir, my Dad was a Bulldog and my Mom was a Shitzu and they just thought that … “

St Peter:  “Yeah, yeah, I get the picture.  You may pass through, but change your name to Larry or George or something.  Next in line and state your name.”

Spot:   “I go by the name ‘Spot’, St Peter.  May I enter?”

St Peter:  “But of course, Spot.  Says here in the book that you gave your master many hours of enjoyment by performing a variety of tricks.  How did you learn all those tricks?”

Spot:  “Well sir, it all started with the ‘ol “Roll Over & Play Dead” trick.  I learned it one night when my master asked his girlfriend for sex and she did the ‘ol “Roll Over & Pl ……”

St Peter:  “Got it – got it.  OK, you may pass.  Next.”

Sluggo:  ” Name’s Sluggo, your Holiness.  Can I get into heaven?”

St Peter:  ” Oh, I don’t think we can admit you, based on what I see here in the Book.  It says here that you were lying in the middle of the road, licking your balls, when you were run-over by a bus.  Sorry ’bout the ‘bus’ thing, but licking your balls is a disgusting act.  What do you have to say for yourself?”

Sluggo:  “Well sir, if you could – wouldn’t you?”

St Peter:  “You may pass through, my son.”

And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Shambo