Dog Heaven

Dec 15th
Posted by shambo  as Animals, Religion


Let me say this about that.

In 1989 there was an animated movie released called “All Dogs Go To Heaven”.¬† It popped-up on the cable guide the other night as I was searching for a movie to watch during dinner.¬† I didn’t watch the movie.¬† I haven’t watched cartoons since I was a kid.¬† But I got to thinking about the title and started wondering if it might be possible – that all dogs actually do go to heaven.

Putting my engineering logic to work, it occurred to me that Рif indeed there IS a Heaven Рdogs were a damn-sight more likely to be admitted than humans.  It goes without question that there would be no cats in residence Рbut I digress.

It further occurred to me that all dogs are not ‘perfect’.¬† That being the case, there must be some sort of vetting process before just any ‘ol dog can be granted admittance into the paradisaical kingdom.¬† It would seem logical that St Peter, the guardian of the¬†Pearly Gates to Heaven, would at least ask a few questions regarding…¬†¬†¬† behavior, good and bad deeds, and if they had been a “good doggie” during their time on¬†Earth before granting passage.¬† It might go something like this:

St Peter:¬† “OK, next in line.¬† And what is your name?”

Fido:¬† “Fido, sir.¬† Am I going to be allowed into Heaven?”

St Peter:¬† “Not so fast, Fido.¬† Says here in the Book that you had the habit of peeing in your water bowl.¬† Is this true?”

Fido:¬† “Yes sir.¬† But I only did it because my master pees in a water bowl, too.”

St Peter:¬† “OK Fido, not your fault you had a poor role model.¬† You may pass through.¬† Next in line.¬† Name please.”

Bullshitz:¬†¬† “My name is ‘Bullshitz’, Sir.”

St Peter:¬† “How dare you use that kind of language here, young man!!¬† You will never get into Heaven with a potty-mouth like that.¬† How in the Hell did you ever come to be called ‘Bullshitz’ in the first place?”

Bullshitz:¬† ” Well sir, my Dad was a Bulldog and my Mom was a Shitzu and they just thought that … “

St Peter:¬† “Yeah, yeah, I get the picture.¬† You may pass through, but change your name to Larry or George or something.¬† Next in line and state your name.”

Spot:¬†¬† “I go by the name ‘Spot’, St Peter.¬† May I enter?”

St Peter:¬† “But of course, Spot.¬† Says here in the book that you gave your master many hours of enjoyment by performing a variety of tricks.¬† How did you learn all those tricks?”

Spot:¬† “Well sir, it all started with the ‘ol “Roll Over & Play Dead” trick.¬† I learned it one night when my master asked his girlfriend for sex and she did the ‘ol “Roll Over & Pl ……”

St Peter:¬† “Got it – got it.¬† OK, you may pass.¬† Next.”

Sluggo:¬† ” Name’s Sluggo, your Holiness.¬† Can I get into heaven?”

St Peter:¬† ” Oh, I don’t think we can admit you, based on what I see here in the Book.¬† It says here that you were lying in the middle of the road, licking your balls,¬†when you were run-over by a bus.¬† Sorry ’bout the ‘bus’ thing, but licking your balls is a disgusting act.¬† What do you have to say for yourself?”

Sluggo:¬† “Well sir, if you could – wouldn’t you?”

St Peter:¬† “You may pass through, my son.”

And, that’s all I have to say about that.






One Comment

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