I did not have sex with that golf pro

Dec 23rd
Posted by shambo  as Current Events, Golf, Politics, Relationships
'nuff said

'nuff said

Let me say this about that.

Poor ‘ol Tiger Woods.¬† Seems his whole world has come crumbling down on his frizzy little head.¬† Too bad he was caught doing the one thing that is an unforgivable sin for anyone famous:

He screwed-up on a slow news day.

Now, of course, you can’t pick up a newspaper, turn on the TV or, well ….. read a blog, without hearing something about Tiger Woods and his copious copulations.¬† This morning I turned on the news and got:

“Good morning and welcome to the GBS Morning News.¬† A breaking story is coming out of Afghanistan today¬†that reports sightings of Osama bin Laden in the mountainous region along the border with Pakistan.¬†¬†Our on-site correspondent also reported seeing Tiger Woods, presumably continuing his self imposed exile.”

“And, now for the weather.¬† What do we have to look forward to this weekend Chet.”

“Well Bob,¬†¬†it looks like we are in for some cold weather for the next¬†couple of¬†days.¬† And I don’t just mean ‘COLD’, I mean “cold as a kiss from Tiger Woods’ wife”. YUK, YUK, YUK.¬† Now back to you Bob.”

“YUK, YUK, YUK, yeah, that’s a good one Chet.¬† We now go to the Sports Desk with a report from…¬†¬†¬† our number one ‘Sport’, JaLarry Mohammad.¬† What’s up in the world of sports today JaLarry?”

“Nuthin’.¬† Nuthin’s¬† goin’ on.¬† All the good Tiger stories are bein’¬†re-ported by the news guys, the weather guys and the gossip ho.¬† I ain’t got nuthin’ left to re-port.¬† Ever body has been¬†keepin’ their¬†unit in the holster since Tiger got punked, so I got no news to re-port.”

“And there you have it folks, fresh sports insight from our own insider.¬† We’re told that we have a breaking story coming out of Las Vegas.¬† We are now connecting you to our GBS affiliate in Las Vegas, KACK, and local newsman Bert Snert.¬† What’s happening out there Bert?”

“Bob, your viewers just wouldn’t believe it.¬† I’m here at the ‘Golden Years Nursing Home’ speaking with ninety-one year old Peachy Keene, who has an amazing story.¬† Tell our viewers what you just told me, Peachy.”

“Well Bert, as I told you a little while ago, I have never slept with Tiger Woods.¬† Or ….. is it that I never slept with a tiger in the woods.¬† I get a little mixed up now and then.”

“A heart rendering story coming out of Nevada this morning.¬† Now back to Bob in the studio.”

“Thank you Bert.¬† Yes, Peachy must be one of a dwindling number of women in that category.¬† We have just gotten word that President Obama has called an impromptu news conference so we now take you to the White House briefing room.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States:”

“Please be seated.¬† I know you are all excited about my being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.¬† I also know there has been some confusion about this award since I’m fighting the same two wars that the former President Bush fought.¬† He was¬†labelled a ‘War-Monger’ and I get the Nobel Peace Prize.¬† My¬†explaination¬†for this apparent incongruity¬†would be : “Is this a great country, or what?”

“And on a related topic,¬†we all¬†know our Brother, Tiger Woods, has¬†had a spot of difficulty of late, but today, I have good news for him.¬† In commemoration of my being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, I am awarding Tiger Woods the:

¬†“Motel Piece Prize.”

And, that’s all I have to say about that.



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