Predictions for the coming decade

Jan 4th


Let me say this about that.

This is the time of the year when every newspaper columnist or TV talking-head lays out their predictions for the upcoming year.  Or, as in the case of a new decade, the coming ten years.  And, since most of the established print and broadcast media have the intelligence of fruit, I figured that us bloggers ought to have a shot at it.  After all, as most of us don’t have advertisers or politically-correct editors to kowtow to, we might actually provide more reality in our prognostications than the ‘fruit-heads’.  So, it is with all the conviction and courage of Don Quixote that I begin my quest to predict the future.  May I present:

SHAMBO’S Predictions For The Coming Decade:

1)  Before the end of the decade there will be a  “Female, midget, lesbian, mixed race, paraplegic Buddist  elected President of the United States.  The Fourteenth Amendment will be re-worded to…    forbid anyone running for elected office who possesses the same race, religion, handicap, first name, shoe size, or e-mail address, as anyone who has won previously.  Diversity will become the guiding principle in the selection of leaders, with the exception of convicted felons, foreign nationals and white guys.

2)  The last Hurricane Katrina FEMA trailer will be removed from New Orleans in 2018 amid demonstrations blaming George W. Bush for ‘rain’.

3)  In 2014, Tiger Woods will return from his self imposed exile  by becoming a contestant on “Dancing With the Stars”.  He will dazzle the judges while dancing to the Marvin Gaye song, “Let’s Get It On”, performed with fourteen Bangkok hookers.

4)  In 2020, Nancy Peloci will give away the last dollar in the U.S. Treasury.

5)  Hawaii will be bought by the Saudi royal family in 2017  for their new residence, after their home country is engulfed in a giant sink-hole, created by pumping all their oil from beneath the ground.  The statute of Don Ho on Waikiki Beach will be removed after the royals take up residence, following concerns that it would be demeaning to their women.

6)  The constitutional amendment passed in 2011, allowing gay marriages in the U.S., will be repealed in 2016 after gay demonstrators march on Washington.  Their “spokes-fellow” will claim that they finally understand what the straight guys have been bitching about all these years.

7)  In 2019, the last Mexican will cross the U.S. border into El Paso.

8)  In the winter of 2013, the Transportation Safety Administration (TSA) will amend it’s list of forbidden articles brought on-board aircraft after a Somalian brings down an American Airlines flight with a nipple ring.

9)  The new French President, Jean-Claude Auxpoupou, will appeal for help from the U.N. in 2016, following a four year strike by everyone in France.

10)  Oprah Winfrey will assume the throne as the first Queen of America in 2018.  In defiance of the Catholic Pope, her first decree following her coronation will be to declare Al Sharpton as a Saint.

Yes, loyal LMSTAT readers, I am truly excited to see what goofy and entertaining crap gets thrown at us in the next ten years.  I’m being cynical, you say?  Go back to the year 2000, and think about all of the absurd lunacy that has occurred in the last ten years ….. you just can’t make this stuff up.

And, that’s all I have to say about that.



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