Why gays don’t like macaroni and cheese

Apr 21st
Posted by shambo  as Culture, engineers, Government, Law, Relationships, Wives

Let me say this about that.

I was in Key West¬†recently because I had been called for jury duty in Federal Court.¬† Engineers usually¬†are not popular choices as potential jurors because we have a tendency to employ a tool unknown in the legal profession – ‘Logic’.¬† Logic is like ‘Kryptonite’ to a lawyer.¬† Their view is that ….¬†‘since my client is guilty anyway, the only way I can get him off is to convince¬†the stupid people on the jury that he only did it because he came from a broken home’ ……… or some other lame-ass excuse.¬† So when the jury was selected I was confident I would be dismissed as a ‘logic-nerd’ and sent home.¬† However, that position was ‘logical’ and the lawyers for both sides (illogically)¬†agreed that I was to serve on the jury.

The trial was a criminal case involving the use of a deadly weapon in the distribution of narcotics and a host of associated crimes.¬† If convicted, the defendant could be sent to prison for…¬†¬†¬† the rest of his life.¬† Unless you’ve done it, you can’t imagine how much stress this places on ordinary citizens¬†making up¬†the jury.

After the first days’ testimony, the judge released us for the night.¬† I was completely exhausted and decided to just go out,¬†get a sandwich and take it back to my hotel room.¬† I walked a few blocks down the main street of Key West and noticed a little outdoor ‘Tiki Hut’ type bar that looked like a place where I could find a sandwich.¬† There was a guy seated at the bar¬†flirting with the cute little barmaid as I walked up.¬† I sat down on a stool, interrupted their conversation¬†and asked¬†the barmaid if I could get a sandwich to go.¬† She said: “Sure”, took¬†my order and gave me a beer to suck-on while I waited.

After she left to take my order to the kitchen, the guy commented on how cute she was and added that she reminded him of his wife.  I told him he was a lucky man.  He introduced himself as Dirk, but disagreed with my assessment of his wife:

Dirk:¬† “Not so lucky, I’m afraid.¬† She sued me for a divorce and it’s really getting messy.¬† She wants all my assets, alimony, and custody of my two kids.”

Shambo:¬† “Yeah, kids complicate everything.”

Already having had a belly-full of messy legal issues for the day, I attempted to change the subject.

Shambo:¬† “So Dirk, are you just cruising the Key West bars and doing a little partying?”

Dirk:¬† “No, my wife works here.¬† We’re going out after the bar closes.”

Shambo:¬† “Hang on a minute there stud.¬† You just said your wife was suing for divorce, taking all your stuff and¬†custody of your kids – and you’re going out on a date?”

Dirk:¬† “No man, not my first wife – my second wife.”

Shambo:¬† “You are not divorced from your first wife and you already have a second wife?”

Dirk:¬† “Correct-amundo, my friend.¬† And, my second wife is as hot as the barmaid.”

I ordered another beer because I HAD to hear the rest of this story.

Shambo:¬† “Dirk, you can be sent to jail for that, ya know.¬† There are laws in this country against polygamy.”

Dirk:¬† “Oh, I’m not worried.¬† Say, there comes my second wife – I’ll introduce you.”

With that, Dirk introduced me to Peter, one of the table waiters at the bar.¬† What could I say?¬† So I shook the guy’s hand and said: “Nice to meet you”.¬† Peter wandered off and Dirk asked me if I was ‘put-off’ by his being gay and ‘married’ to another guy.

Shambo:¬† “Gay?¬† One female wife and one male wife.¬† Dude, you’re eating off both sides of the buffet.¬† And I certainly have nothing against gays being married.¬† I think you should have the right to be as miserable as the straight married couples.¬† How exactly did you get yourself in this situation?”

Dirk:¬† “Well Shambo, it’s like this.¬† Suppose you want to have macaroni for dinner.¬† But the law says you can’t have macaroni unless it’s accompanied by cheese.¬† But you have had macaroni and cheese and you don’t like it.¬† You want your macaroni accompanied by ….¬†more macaroni.¬† My ‘Cheese’ is suing my ass off so I decided I would just try more macaroni.”

Shambo:¬† “And, Peter is just¬†‘more macaroni’ ?”

Dirk:¬† “Exactly.”

Normally my tolerance level for ‘all-things-weird’ is pretty high, but Dirk and his macaroni were testing even my benevolent ethos.¬† I finished my beer, paid for my sandwich, wished Dirk the best and left.¬† Later, back in the hotel room, I finished my sandwich but found that I was still hungry.¬† Suddenly, I had the strangest craving for macaroni and cheese.

Only in Key West.

And, that’s all I have to say about that.




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