Let me say this about that.

Americans are a sports-loving bunch.  Show the average American guy a game that involves a ball and you can be sure of one thing … he’s gonna bet on it.  Seriously, we love our sports and our interests vary widely from baseball to dog racing to figure skating to horse jumping to beach volleyball to ….. a hundred other sports.  From Little League to the World Series and every level in between, the American sports scene is as diverse as it’s population.

A lot of our sports can be pretty lame, though.  Take throwing Frisbees, for example.  I mean, how long do you think this sport would have lasted if dogs never entered the picture?  Truth be told, even our most beloved sports have elements of…    raw,  unadulterated stupidity.  Allow me to illustrate:

The Seventh Inning Stretch:   I  love baseball and attend games, at all levels, as often I can.  It’s the perfect ‘guy sport’ as you can follow what’s going on without having to pay close attention.  Throughout the game, most guys are in and out of their seats constantly to get a beer, go to the john, get a dog, get another beer and so on.  But halfway through the seventh inning, the game is stopped for the “Seventh Inning Stretch”.  By that time, I have already logged a half mile between my seat, the bathroom and beer stand and could use a rest.  But nooooo, I have to stand up and do a faux stretch like I have been chained to my seat for the last three hours.  But, to do otherwise would be unAmerican.

Arguing Balls and Strikes:  And while we are on baseball, one of the dumbest acts in any sport is arguing with the umpire on whether he called the last pitch correctly.  Never, NEVER, since Abner Doubleday invented the game in 1839 has an umpire changed his mind about a call because a player or manager challenged his decision.  There is NO upside to arguing an umpire’s call, yet it happens thousands of times each season – to do otherwise would be unAmerican.

Football Commercials:  Picture this scene from the Kentucky Derby …….. “And, they’re off.  Beetlebob takes the early lead on the inside followed by race favorite Dog Food.  As they approach the quarter mile post, it’s Dog Food taking the lead and …whoa, ladies and gentlemen, the race has been stopped for a message from our sponsor.”  If this were a football game, it would make perfect sense.  Football is the ONLY sport on TV that is controlled by the networks – not by the officials.  If you are watching the game on TV, it’s not so bad.  It just gives you time to get up, get a beer and take a whiz.  But if you’re at the game in person, it’s annoying as hell.   It’s like watching a NASCAR race with stop lights.

NASCAR Fan Votes:  First of all, I will confess to two things about NASCAR races – 1) I enjoy watching the damn things because they are somewhat like baseball – 90% boredom and 10% action.  It entertains us but doesn’t require much effort on our part.  2) The people who produce these races are only slightly more intelligent than crab grass.  In order to bolster their sagging TV ratings, they have developed the concept of  “Fan Voting”.  That’s right, you can call a 900 number and vote on some aspect of the race.  And what did the NASCAR brain-trust develop as the inaugural fan participation vote?  A vote on which  is the “Fastest Pit Crew” !!!!  It’s like stopwatches were never invented.  Apparently the time/space continuum can be altered in a NASCAR race by fan vote.  The really sad thing is that tens of thousands of Bubbas, sitting out there in their double-wides, actually believe a timed event can be made faster by voting.

Beach Volleyball Uniforms:  I’m sure there is beach volleyball played by men, but I know of no one that has ever seen a game.  Beach volleyball played by women, however, is only slightly less popular with guys than Viagra.  I have no clue how the score is kept – I have no idea what the rules are – I don’t know the names of any of the players.  But, what I do know is that women’s beach volleyball is the only form of porn Mrs. Shambo will let me watch.  God Bless America and God Bless Brazil!!!

And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Shambo