Man’s greatest invention

Jul 6th
Posted by shambo  as Television
 
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Let me say this about that.

OK, you brainiacs, what do you think was man’s greatest invention?¬† Was it the electric light?¬† No way.¬† How about the automobile?¬† Nope.¬† Some might say the airplane.¬† Sorry.¬† How about the cell phone?¬† Puuull — eeeezz!!¬† The kazoo was a better idea.

The answer is easy if you just think about it for a second.¬† Man’s greatest invention was TiVo.¬† For those of you who live in West Virginia, TiVo is an electronic system that is integrated into your TV set that allows you to record – and playback – programs at your convenience.¬† That in itself would be a reason to own one, but¬†the best feature of TiVo is the ability to bypass commercials.

Do I get an AMEN!?!?

The capability to bypass commercials is essential for the maintenance of good mental health, especially with people on TV like…¬†¬†¬† “The Video Professor”.¬†¬†

Those of you that have turned on your TV anytime in the last decade have seen the commercials for Video Professor.¬† This pitchman appears on the screen and introduces himself as the guy that gives away free computer learning lessons — interestingly, there is a picture of four different credit cards he accepts shown on the bottom of the screen while he touts “free” software.¬† The scene then switches to a plump young woman that sounds a lot like the old Huckleberry Hound cartoon character.¬† Her testimony goes something like this:

“Ah yuk – ah yuk.¬† My daughter DEFINATELY knows how to use the computer BETTER THAN ME, ah yuk – ah yuk, HALF THE TIME, ah yuk, and SHE’S ONLY 3 1/2.¬† ah yuk – ah yuk!!”¬†

I have yet to find anyone that can translate this into English for me.

With TiVo, just push the button, and it’s “adios” annoying gas bags.¬† Ah yuk – ah yuk!!

The second most annoying commercial on¬†television is the one for mate finder “e-Harmony.com”.¬† Some old dweeb has developed a computer system that uses compatibility matching to help you find a spouse without having to frequent those evil single’s bars.¬† Now I know a lot of guys that go to single’s bars, but I have yet to find one that stalks these meat-markets to find a wife.¬† They are looking for something, but I don’t think it’s long term commitment.¬† If you want to find a wife, go to the office like everyone else.

And what about those never-ending Cialis erectile dysfunction commercials?¬† Take a pill and you’re good-to-go for three days.¬† It allows you to plan “…….for when the time is right”.¬† Where the hell is the fun in that?¬† Come on, admit it.¬† The best sex you ever had was when the time was absolutely WRONG.

Remember that time in the elevator?¬† Or how about that afternoon going through the automatic car wash?¬† Maybe it was that night in the condo swimming pool.¬† You elevated a game of Marco Polo to a whole new level that night didn’t you, you crazy kids!?!?

The TV commercial must be divine punishment for the sins of our past … or for sitting on our fat patooties all weekend.¬† We can either seek redemption for these transgressions, or we can invest in a TiVo.¬† You know where Shambo stands.

And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Shambo

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One Comment

  1. Jonathan Wiley  9th July 2009  

    I’ll put a check in the box of TiVo being a fantastic, if not, revolutionary invention….what’s better than watching an episode of 24 in 15 minutes? I’ll tell you, it’s hitting pause while watching your favorite football team so you can go release a few of the previously consumed col-beers (or “whiteys”) to come back, pour a new one and hit resume…better still, that little pause just gave you a minute or 2 of what my household calls “juice” which will allow you to FFD through the next ridiculous Oxy-Clean comercial (God rest that guy’s soul and his abnormally dyed beard).

    Now, having said all of that, I would vehemently protest that so-called “Product Integration” is FAR worse than a damn commercial. Instead of good ol’ Chuck Woolery telling us he’ll see us in 2-and-2 (2min,2sec) while they break away from “Love Connection,” we are patronized and pandered to with cheap and less-than creative ways for the camera guy to “accidentally” pause on a Diet-Coke can with the label perfectly positioned outward in some douche-bag’s manicured hand….atleast with Chuck, you knew the commercial was coming so you could change the channel or turn it off and go do something productive. Nowadays they are finding more and more painful ways to squeeze a product in front of our zombie eyes in hopes that we’re actually paying attention. This theme has permiated EVERYTHING…no longer is NASCAR the sole steet walking pimp of endoresments, it’s everywhere. I read the other day that an NBA team was negotiating a contract for an endorsement. WHAT!!?? The Orlando Magik….nope, how does the Orlando “Johnsonville Sausage” Magik sound. Nice ring to it huh? Look around, stadiums have sponsorships too. Hell, a few years ago, they changed the name of the Atlanta airport to Hartsfield-Jackson Airport (the Jackson part is new). Maybe they should take the plunge and sponsor that joint too – The “Preparation-H” Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport.

    Anyway, sorry for the rant. Just wanted to point out that with every brilliant invention, there’s gotta be some degenerate that figures out a way to spoil it….I’m just sayin’

    That’s my $0.02. Great Blog by the way.

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