Man sports

Jul 21st
Posted by shambo  as Sports
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Let me say this about that.

Guys love their sports, especially ones in which they can participate.  Participation sports are important for men as a way to disperse the pressure and frustration that builds up on the job by the end of each week.  Sometimes I wonder if, in fact, participation sports can actually make the situation worse.  Take for example, hunting.

Personally, I’m not a hunter¬†simply because I just don’t get the appeal of vaporizing a tree squirrel with a high-powered assault rifle.¬† Until grocery stores are outlawed,¬†you don’t need to hunt¬†for food,¬† and until massage parlors are…¬†¬†¬† ¬†banned, you don’ t need to hunt to relieve stress.¬†¬†

Deer hunting, for example, also¬†requires that you to get up at 4:00am in the morning, venture out into cold, wet weather in pitch black¬†darkness, and climb¬†to the top of¬†a tree to await the arrival of one of these man-eaters.¬† I asked a deer hunting friend of mine what he did with¬†a deer¬†once he shot it.¬† He said: “I cut that sucker’s head off and nail it¬†to¬†the wall in my den.”¬†…… possibly explaining why not many deer hunters¬†are interior decorators.

Now¬†fishing is my kind of sport.¬†¬†Doing it well requires a delicate balance of skill and patience.¬†¬†The most ¬†important skill required by fishermen is¬†the ability to tell lies.¬† That’s probably why lawyers and confirmed bachelors enjoy fishing so much.¬† It’s true what they say about fishing: “Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for¬†a day.¬† Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat and drink beer all summer.”¬† Now there is my kind of athletics!

And then there’s golf.¬† What criminal mind conceived this bit of depravity?¬† Golf is¬†played by swinging¬†a stick¬†at a ball roughly the size of a¬†avacado pit,¬†and knocking it into a hole no larger than a tea cup¬†located¬†a quarter of a mile away.¬†But because the inventor of golf ¬†apparently thought this was too easy,¬†he¬†surrounded the little tea cups with sand pits, eighty foot tall Pine trees and a couple of small lakes.¬† This is the sports equivalent of performing a cornial transplant on a life boat in the middle of Hurricane Katrina.¬† Does this sound like fun to you?¬† You would think that doing this once would be enough to drive a man to the rubber-room, but noooo!¬† You have to do it 17 more times!¬†

Some guys like to bowl.¬† Why, I haven’t a clue.¬† I was in my forties before I¬†discovered that bowling was a thinly disguised¬†excuse to drink beer and¬†wear gaudy shirts¬†and¬†rented shoes.¬† Bowling requires that you stick two fingers and a thumb into a ball that weighs as much as a German Shepard and hurl it down a wooden track toward¬†ten pieces of wood.¬† What fun!!¬† Frankly, I think¬†I can find more¬†interesting places¬†to stick my thumb.

And, that is all I have to say about that.

Shambo

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