Old fool

Aug 12th
Posted by shambo  as Aging


Let me say this about that.

I must admit, I am not aging gracefully.¬† Not to put too fine a point on it, getting old sucks.¬† But, as I have remarked in the past, the option to getting old¬†is not one I would like to explore.¬† I am not afraid of death, per se.¬† It’s the process of getting dead that scares the hell out of me.¬† As the man said, it’s not the fast pace of life that is disconcerting, it’s the sudden stop at the end.

Contemplating one’s mortality is a waste of time, really.¬† If getting old is inevitable – and if your lucky, it is – might as well enjoy what few benefits that accompany it.¬† For example, most old people are…¬†¬†¬† pretty smart and bare listening to.¬† As that great American philosopher……Richard Pryor…… once said:

“You don’t even get to be old by being no fool.”

In my humble opinion, one of America’s greatest thinkers, and certainly one of it’s greatest poets, is Yogi Berra.¬† Berra, of course, ¬†was a great catcher and coach of the New York Yankees.¬† In addition, at age 84, he is one of the most quoted celebrities since Mark Twain.¬† Berra has¬†a unique talent of explaining situations in a way that only old people could appreciate.¬† For example, Yogi has his own take on mortality:

“You should always go to your friend’s funerals.¬† Otherwise, they won’t go to yours.”

And, when it comes to life’s great moments of decision:

“When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

Yogi Berra, at age 84, is not a lounge lizard any more but does have his take on the New York social scene:

“Nobody goes there any more.¬† It’s too crowded.”

Any old guy will tell you that he can remember things from a thousand years ago, like¬†the words to ‘the Gilligan’s Island’ theme song, but can’t remember what he had for breakfast.¬† One of my fondest memories was watching the old TV sitcom ‘Leave It To Beaver’¬† when the decidedly un-politically correct phrase was uttered by the Beaver’s Mom to his Dad at the breakfast table:

“Ward, don’t you think you were a little rough on the Beaver last night?”

It cracks me up to this day.

When you’re old, young people can be a pain in the ass.¬† Not necessarily because of the nipple rings, the rap music, or their mysterious desire to show their underwear in public.¬† Sometime, they are just smarter than us old farts.

My wife and I went to Disney World in Orlando a couple of years ago.  We parked in the lot Рalong with a few hundred thousand other cars Рand boarded the tram to the front gate.  As the tram pulled away, I forgot to write down the row number of the space where we parked the car and shouted at the tram driver to stop.  The kid driving the tram, who I thought had the IQ of an avocado, said:

Oh, don’t worry sir.¬† Just wait until everyone else leaves and take the car that’s left.”

And, that’s all I have to say about that.






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