Dog lessons

Sep 27th
Posted by shambo  as Animals, Culture, Education, Relationships
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Let me say this about that.

I like dogs.¬† They are pure souls that personify the old adage “What you see is what you get.”¬† There is no lying, no dishonesty, no self promotion, no deception, and no tattoos.¬† In other words, the human race has much to learn from dogs.¬† I have made an extensive list of K-9 attributes from which¬†we can learn valuable lessons, and rendered them down to a short list of the most laudable.

“Perseverance:

My last dog lived for 16 years.¬† Since she was a pup, she believed everyone – dog or man – was put on this earth specifically for her entertainment.¬† For 16 years, every time the door bell rang, she…¬†¬†¬† rushed to the door to see who had come to visit her.

Doorbell:¬† “Ding Dong.”

Shambo’s dog:¬† ” Hoooo-boy!!¬† Somebody has come over to see me.¬† They are gonna scratch my ears, I just know it!!¬† Goodie-goodie, I’m gonna get to play with whoever is on the other side of that door!!¬† I can’t stop my tail from wagging!!¬† I think I smell doggie treats!!¬† I hope they brought a tennis ball!!¬† Shambo, hurry up and open the damn door!!”

For 16 years, it was never someone coming over specifically to see the dog.  But for 16 years, she kept the faith and never once lost her enthusiasm that the next one would be for her.

“Parenting”:

For those of you who have kids, first let me offer my sympathy ……… you¬†pathetic down-trodden bastards.¬†¬†Having ¬†kids is an all-consuming, thankless, never-ending, and futile undertaking that is the single most¬†energy consuming¬†thing you will ever do.¬† People should raise their kids like dogs raise theirs.¬† Don’t believe it?¬†¬†¬†Look at the number of spoiled rotten kids you know versus the number of spoiled rotten dogs.¬† Plus, kids are¬†way more¬†expensive.¬†¬†Your¬†overindulged kid demands a new $300 x-box every six weeks.¬† But with a dog….you got a stick, you got a party!!¬† And, while a kid has to be watched like a hawk to keep them off mind-altering drugs, a dog gets high by just sticking his head out the car door window.

“Relationships”:

If it were possible to listen to the REAL dialogue between two people when they are introduced for the first time, it would sound something like this:

Mr. Jones:¬† “Good, morning Mr. Smith.¬† It’s a pleasure to meet you.¬† As you can see right here on my business card, I am a very important person.¬† My job title indicates that I will screw you at the drop of a hat if it would be of any benefit to me whatsoever.”

Mr. Smith:¬† “Pleased to me you, Mr. Jones.¬† It’s clear you are a hack, judging from the clothes you apparently stole from¬†the¬†Goodwill Store.¬† I am looking forward to sucking you dry.”

But, when two dogs meet, there is infinitely more honesty:

Rover:¬† “Morning Fido.¬† From the smell of your butt, you have gotten hold of a pork chop recently.¬† Nice going, dude.”

Fido:¬† “Right you are Rover.¬† Found it in the neighbors garbage can.¬† Your butt reeks of Kibbles & Bits.¬† Dude, ya gotta get out of the house more!”

Butt sniffing may seem a crude behavior for humans to emulate, but it’s a damn-sight more civilized than the normal¬†process¬†in single’s bars.

“Romance”:

Over my¬†considerable number of¬†years, I have been kissed by many women.¬† And over the years, I’ve been kissed by many puppies.¬† Sorry ladies, puppies do it better.

And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Shambo

  

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One Comment

  1. Mackeran  28th September 2009  

    Thank you! You often write very interesting articles. You improved my mood.

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