Godless Canadians

Oct 1st
Posted by shambo  as Culture, Current Events, Government, Television
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Let me say this about that.

Personally, I don’t care for Canadians.¬† They are a sneaky lot, and I think they are up to something.¬† America has been in wars all over the world, but¬†I am convinced the biggest threat to our national security lies in Canada.¬†

To begin with, the border separating the United States and Canada is largely unguarded.  What little security that exists has more holes than a chain-link fence.  Canadians and their allies РTHE FRENCH Рcan simply stroll into this country as easily as walking into a Wal-Mart.

I’ll tell you why I think the Canucks are up to no good ….. their language has an embedded secret code.¬† Take, for example, …¬†¬†¬† “Canadian Bacon.”¬† Canadian bacon isn’t bacon, it’s ham.¬† They eat “Chips” with their hamburgers that are really French Fries (another deception to disguise their alliance with the French).¬† Ask any Canadian shop owner for a bag of potato chips and he’ll hand you¬†something¬†with “Crisps” written on the bag.¬†

Wait, there’s more.¬† They have something up there they call “Canadian Club”.¬† Ask any Canadian how one might join this club, and¬†he will look at you like you have just stepped in dog poop.¬† But, I’m telling you, there is something afoot with this “Canadian Club”.¬† My personal opinion is that it is a secret society akin to the KKK, or Nazi Party,¬† or some nutball Islamic terrorist cell.

Want more proof that there is something sneaky going on up there?¬† How about the “Royal Canadian Mountees”?¬† Who, exactly, are these “Mountees”?¬† Presumably, if there are “Mount-ees”, there are also “Royal Canadian Mount-ers.”¬† My theory is that the Mountees are poor Canadian women who are being abused by the Mounters – whom I suspect are really the French.

All starting to make sense now, isn’t it?

Fortunately, here in the good ‘ol U. S. of A., we have a crack organization that has been remarkably effective in uncovering covert plots against America.¬† They are the cast of a nationally syndicated TV program called “The View”.¬†¬† These ladies are remarkable!!¬† They, totally on their own, discovered the fact that Dick Cheney ordered the U.S. Air Force to bomb the New Orleans levees during Hurricane Katrina.¬† Amazing!!!¬† One of these brainiacs also¬†revealed that a spirit confirmed her suspicions that George Bush¬† fired the rockets that took out the Twin Towers on 9/11.

So, when I need confirmation of a plot against Americans, I go straight to the experts.¬† I contacted the cast of “The View”¬† just as they were being released from “Area 51″ where they told me they were held by the CIA for three days.¬† They reported that CIA physicians had injected them repeatedly with a powerful substance called “Common Sense”.¬† But, even after¬†multiple¬†injections,¬†they were totally unaffected and released.

Here is where the plot thickens.¬† “The View” ladies told me that a¬†conspiracy by Canadians was completely idiotic as there was not a scrap of hard evidence to prove it.¬† Frankly, I’m beginning to¬†wonder if¬† “The View”¬† ladies aren’t really the evil offspring of the Canadian Mountees and their French Mounters.

And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Shambo

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