Modernized nursery rhymes

Oct 8th
Posted by shambo  as Culture, Language


Let me say this about that.

I believe it is a noble pursuit to promote improvement and progress in all phases of our time here on the ’3rd rock from the Sun’.   LMSTAT attempts to do it’s share ……. sometimes, by pouring some much needed sunshine on the crap our government, religious, and business institutions cram down our throats, and, sometimes, by asking hard questions of the narcissistic gasbags that represent them.  Sometimes, by observing simple things - like animals - we can be taught to be better people.   And sometimes, by updating and modernizing old ‘Rules-To-Live-By’ (that have served us well, but need to re-phrased), we can be more relevant in today’s world.

This is the mission of today’s blog.  Taking old nursery rhymes that were taught to us as children and re-phrasing them to be more useful to today’s toddlers.

“Hickery-dickery dock, the mouse ran up the clock.  The clock struck one, and the rest escaped with minor injuries.”

“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.  Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.  All the King’s horses and all the King’s men, couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again….. principally because…    horses don’t have opposing thumbs.”

“Little Miss Muffett, sat on a tuffett, eating her curds and whey.  Along came a spider and sat down beside her and said …… ‘This is a damn sight more comfortable than hanging upside down by a thread coming out of my ass’.”

“Rain, rain go away.  Come again another day.  Preferably not during the World Series.”

“Rub-a dub-dub, three men in a tub, out on the ocean blue.   Put out to sea, by the CDC,  for fear they had the swine flu.”

“All around the mulberry bush, the monkey drove his diesel.  The monkey thought ’twas all in fun, until diesel went to $3 bucks a gallon.”

“Mary had a little lamb, it’s fleece was white as snow.   And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go.  It followed her to school one day, a prancin’ and a struttin’.  But the kids prepared a hot buffet, of spice and curry mutton.”

“Jack be nimble, Jack be quick.  Jack jumped over the candle stick, and singed all the hair off his butt.”

“How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?  Or would you pay a buck, just to hear a duck, who could cluck, cluck, cluck - in da’ hood;  or would you watch a schmuck, who could suck the muck, off a big ol’ truck- if he could?”

“Georgie Porgie, puddin’ and pie, kissed the girls and made them cry.  But when the boys came out to play, seems that Georgie Porgie was really gay.”

“The farmer in the dell, the farmer in the dell.  Hi-ho the derry-o, the farmer in the dell.  The farmer takes a wife, the farmer’s screwed for life.  Hi-ho the derry-o, the farmer falls on a knife.”

“Old Mother Hubbard, went to the cupboard, to get her poor dog a bone.  But the cat was in season, so Fido got to pleasin’, cause he had a bone of his own.”

“When you wish upon a star.  Makes no matter who you are.  Anything your heart desires will come to you.  As long as Obama is our Czar.”
And, that’s all I have to say about that.

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