A better car

Oct 12th
Posted by shambo  as Cars, Transportation
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Let me say this about that.

Does it surprise anyone that the U.S. auto industry is in the toilet?  Can anyone remember when the U.S. auto industry was NOT in the toilet?  It seems that every time there is a useful innovation that comes out of the auto industry, it comes from either Japanese or German auto manufacturers.  What American car makers need is to stop listening to their executives about how to design their cars and start listening the their customers (what few they have left). 

OK Detroit, LMSTAT will get the ball rolling with a few suggestions for your next generation of cars that should jump start your business.¬† Add these features to your cars and I guarantee…¬†¬†¬† that Shambo will be a new customer:

BATHROOMS:

Airplanes have bathrooms.¬† Boats have bathrooms.¬† Trains have bathrooms.¬† Buses have bathrooms.¬† Why don’t cars have bathrooms?¬† My wife has a bladder the size of a grape.¬† Whenever we travel, we have to stop an average of four times for her to pee for every single time we¬†stop for gas.¬† I could give you a detailed description of the every rest stop on the interstate highway system in America.¬†

I have a neighbor that just bought a new $300,000 RV.  I asked him how he got interested in camping.  He told me he hated camping but he bought the RV because it had a bathroom.  Ahhhh.

Have you ever been in a funeral procession and your wife asked you to stop so she could pee?¬† It’s embarrasing.¬† There are women flying around in the space shuttle because it has a bathroom.¬† PUT ONE IN THE CAR !!!

BACK SEATS SIZED FOR HUMANS:

I am convinced that Detroit auto makers truly believe half of America’s population are paraplegics.¬† The back seats in American cars are plenty big enough for our fat derrieres, but there simply is no room for a person with legs.¬† How about taking a few inches off the four foot long trunk that usually contains nothing but a baby spare tire and let adults return to the back seats of your cars.

ESTROGEN SENSORS:

All new cars should be equipped with estrogen sensors to determine when a female occupies the driver’s seat.¬† When the sensor detects a woman driver, it would automately trigger a ‘Low Fuel’ alarm on the dashboard.¬† This innovation would alleviate the perpetual problem of men getting into their cars with no gas.¬† I don’t know why women have a problem with stopping at a service station to get gas because gas stations have BATHROOMS!

CELL PHONE STEERING OVERRIDE:

Everyone is acutely aware that everytime a driver begins to talk on a cell phone, the car automately moves into the ‘fast’ lane and slows to twenty miles per hour below the legal speed limit.¬† This optional equipment¬†would detect an active cell phone signal and automatically steer the car into the ‘slow’ lane.¬† If the cell phone continued active for more that two minutes, the car’s engine would be shut off.

STYLE:

Whatever happened to American cars that you could identify?¬† I can’t tell one from another anymore.¬† They’re all small ‘boxy’ contraptions that look like a ’78 Volvo.¬† Detroit – grow a pair and take a little risk on styling that isn’t¬†as bland as airline food!!!

And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Shambo

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