Good work, if you can find it

Nov 16th
Posted by shambo  as Jobs


 Let me say this about that.

I have always found it interesting how people earn their living.¬† There are great jobs, crappy jobs, well paid jobs, volunteer jobs, temporary jobs, illegal jobs, any number of ways an average¬†person can ‘pay-the-rent’.¬† So, in the interest of keeping the LMSTAT readership current on some of the more interesting new jobs, I conducted a series of interviews with your co-readers¬†to keep you¬†informed about¬†the latest thing in the job market.

Wallpaper Peeler:¬† “That’s right, Shambo, I earn a living as a wallpaper peeler.¬† You know, some lady wants to replace that old wallpaper in¬†her living room that was put up during the Harding Administration, but first, the old stuff has to come down.¬† And, it’s no easy task, I assure you.”

Shambo:¬† “I wouldn’t imagine it would be, with all that old glue and such.¬† Just how do you get the stuff off the walls?”

Wallpaper Peeler:¬† “It’s a proprietary process I developed myself.¬† Since I have a patent, I can disclose my trade secrets.”

Shambo:¬† “I’m all¬†a-twitter.¬† Please go on.”

Wallpaper Peeler:¬† “Well, the first thing I do is make me up a big pot of heavely seasoned ‘goat-meat¬†chili’ and drink a…¬†¬†¬† six-pack of Budweiser.¬† Then I eat a half dozen pickled eggs, close all the windows, and ………”

Shambo:¬† “Just stop right there, Hoss.¬† We get the picture.”

The next interviewee was thankfully a bit more technical.

Parachute Quality Control Technican:¬† “It’s true, Shambo, not everyone has the ‘stones’ for this job, if you get my meaning.¬† Me and my trusty assistant, Jose’ here, have been doing this job for six years.”¬†

Shambo:¬† “Sounds dangerous.¬† Do you actually jump out of airplanes to test the chutes?”

Parachute Tech:¬† “This is the way me and Jose’ getter-done.¬† We take the chute to be tested, hop on a small plane and taker up to 10,000 feet.”¬†

Shambo:¬† “And then you jump out of the plane?!?!”

Parachute Tech:¬† “Hell no,¬† ¬†I push Jose’ out.”

In today’s modern society, many people are discovering that folks living in the ‘Deep South’ are not the simple ‘bumkins’ they once thought they were.¬† Take the latest profession spreading through the South’s fried chicken restaurants:

Redneck Sommelier:¬† “When I first started working at Carl’s Chicken Shack, not many people knew what a ‘sommelier’ was.¬† I had to gradually get them to warm-up to the idea.”

Shambo:¬† “Sounds fascinating.¬† But I thought a sommelier was¬†a guy that tested¬†¬†wine ¬†the customers ordered.¬† I¬†did not know that wine was served here at Carl’s Chicken Shack.”

Redneck Sommelier:¬† “Correct-a-mundo, Shambo, beer is all we got.”

Shambo:¬† “So, exactly how does this work?”

Redneck Sommelier:¬† “Well, I bring the customer a beer, pour a little¬†swig¬†into my cup, and drink it down.¬† The customer asks me what I think and I tell’em¬† ‘Yep, it’s beer alright’.¬† Best damn job I ever had.”

There are many jobs available to the American workforce that simply did not exist a few years ago.  The economy, a new world order, new White House administration, all combine to create new opportunities, like the job of my last interviewee:

Mime Lyricist:¬†¬†“Of course, Shambo, I know it’s a little tough to get your mind around at first, but I actually make a living writing lyrics for songs that mimes use in their act.”

Shambo:¬† “But, but….. I’m at a loss here. Mimes don’t speak.¬†¬†Who would possibly pay you to do a job without any¬†conceivable use?”

Mime Lyricist:¬† “Ever heard of Nancy Pelosi?”

And, that’s all I have to say about that.




One Comment

  1. David Rose  18th November 2009  

    A’int it true

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