Let me say this about that.

Announcer:  “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the finals of the 2010 ‘He said – She said’ competition.  This competition pits the best and brightest of each gender in a match of witticisms, quips and comebacks.  Each of the preliminary rounds featured one male and one female going head-to-head in a verbal battle to the death.  And at last, we have the two finalists ready to square off for the championship.”

“And now, representing the male of the species, and the ‘He Said’ team, please welcome Holden D. Cox!! “

“Representing the girls from the ‘She Said’ team, give it up for Anita Moorehead!!”

“OK, the ‘He Said’ team has won the coin toss so Holden will go first.  Holden, the first category topic is…    ‘Dead Spouses’.” 

He Said:  “How can you tell if your wife is dead?  The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.”

Announcer:  “And, Anita – your retort?”

She Said:  “How can you tell if your husband is dead?  The sex is the same but you get the remote.”

Announcer:  “OK, off to a bit of a slow start.  Let’s try category number two – ‘girlfriends / boyfriends’.”

He Said:  “What’s the difference between your girlfriend and your wife?   About 45 pounds.”

She Said:  “What’s the difference between your boyfriend and your husband?  About 45 minutes.”

Announcer:  “Now we’re cooking!”  Let’s move on to category number 3 – golf.”

He Said:  “Why are women so bad at playing golf?  Because they’re standing too close to the ball AFTER they hit it.”

She Said:  “What’s the difference between a ‘G-spot’and a golf ball?  A guy will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball.”

Announcer:  “Ouch !!  Looks like it may be a while before Anita gets Moorehead.  OK, the topic for the next round is ‘Sexual Harrassment’.  Holden, whatcha got for us?”

He Said:  “How do you know you have the perfect candidate for your new secretary?  In the interview she tells you that sexual harassment will not be tolerated – it will be graded !”

She Said:  “When a guy talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment.  When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $8.99 per minute.”

Announcer:  “Ohhh, it’s getting nasty – and that’s just the way we like it.  OK, boys and girls, we’re closing in on the end of the championship.  You gotta give it everything you got.  The next topic is an easy one – ‘dating’.”

He Said:  “What common trait is shared by women and dog turds?  The older they are, the easier they are to pick up.”

Announcer:  “Holy mackeral, Holden is bringing his ‘A’ game now.  But I would wager that no one is gonna be holdin’ Holden’s Cox but Holden, for a while.  OK, Anita – go for the good stuff.”

She Said:  How can you tell if your date is erotic or kinky?  An erotic date strokes your skin with a feather.  A kinky date does the same thing except the chicken is still attached.”

Announcer:  “And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen.  The final round of  ‘He Said – She Said’.  Send in your vote and let us know which of our finalists you think deserves the title of the 2010 ‘He Said – She Said’  Champion!!

And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Shambo