He said – She said

Apr 6th
Posted by shambo  as guys, Relationships, Sex, Women


Let me say this about that.

Announcer:¬† “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the finals of the 2010 ‘He said – She said’ competition.¬† This competition pits the best and brightest of each gender in a match of witticisms, quips and comebacks.¬† Each of the preliminary rounds featured one male and one female going head-to-head in a verbal battle to the death.¬† And at last, we have the two finalists ready to square off for the championship.”

“And now, representing the male of the species, and the ‘He Said’¬†team, please welcome Holden D. Cox!!¬†“

“Representing the girls from the ‘She Said’ team, give it up¬†for Anita Moorehead!!”

“OK, the ‘He Said’ team has won the coin toss so Holden will go first.¬† Holden, the first category topic is…¬†¬†¬† ‘Dead Spouses’.”¬†

He Said:¬† “How can you tell if your wife is dead?¬† The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.”

Announcer:¬† “And, Anita – your retort?”

She Said:¬† “How can you tell if your husband is dead?¬† The sex is the same but you get the remote.”

Announcer:¬† “OK, off to a bit of a slow start.¬† Let’s try category number two – ‘girlfriends / boyfriends’.”

He Said:¬† “What’s the difference between your girlfriend and your wife?¬† ¬†About 45 pounds.”

She Said:¬† “What’s the difference between your boyfriend and your husband?¬† About 45 minutes.”

Announcer:¬† “Now we’re cooking!”¬† Let’s move on to category number 3 – golf.”

He Said:¬† “Why are women so bad at playing golf?¬† Because they’re standing too close to the ball AFTER they hit it.”

She Said:¬† “What’s the difference between a ‘G-spot’and a golf ball?¬† A guy will¬†spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball.”

Announcer:¬† “Ouch !!¬† Looks like it may be a while before Anita gets Moorehead.¬† OK, the topic for the next round is ‘Sexual Harrassment’.¬† Holden, whatcha got for us?”

He Said:¬† “How do you know you have the perfect candidate¬†for your new secretary?¬† In the interview she¬†tells you that¬†sexual harassment will not be tolerated – it will be graded !”

She Said:¬† “When a guy talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment.¬† When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $8.99 per minute.”

Announcer:¬† “Ohhh, it’s getting nasty – and that’s just the way we like it.¬† OK, boys and girls, we’re closing in on the end of the championship.¬† You gotta give it everything you got.¬† The next topic is an easy one – ‘dating’.”

He Said:¬† “What common trait is shared by women and dog turds?¬† The older they are, the easier they are to pick up.”

Announcer:¬† “Holy mackeral, Holden is bringing his ‘A’ game now.¬† But I would wager that no one is gonna be holdin’¬†Holden’s Cox but Holden, for a while.¬† OK, Anita – go for the good stuff.”

She Said:¬† How¬†can you tell if your date is erotic or kinky?¬† An erotic date strokes your skin with a feather.¬† A kinky date does the same thing except the chicken is still attached.”

Announcer:¬† “And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen.¬† The final round of ¬†‘He Said – She Said’.¬† Send in your vote and let us know which of our finalists you think deserves the title of the 2010 ‘He Said – She Said’¬† Champion!!

And, that’s all I have to say about that.








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