Stupid people-dumb ideas

Apr 27th
Posted by shambo  as Culture, Technology
Let me say this about that.
Many older folks, including myself, complain that the modern world is going to hell in a handbasket.  Some, however, make the argument that life on the planet Earth is no better or worse than it has ever been.  The issue is that we have so many new and faster ways to get news from around the world that this overexposure is simply leading us to ‘perceive’ things getting worse.
I have a similar issue with stupid people.  My view is that there are far more stupid people in the world than there has ever been.  My friends use the same ‘overexposure’ argument, telling me that I am just being bombarded by the news media with stories of people doing stupid things.  But I say ‘nay – nay’. There are far more stupid people on this planet than twenty years ago – and I have proof.  Allow me to present my evidence.
A few days ago, I decided to go on the internet to see if I could find a set of seat covers for my truck.  I looked at a few internet distributors and a few auction sites.  In the process I uncovered some items for sale that could only have been placed on the internet by a breed of diabolically stupid humanoid bipeds.  Judge for yourself  (author’s note:  These items are for real.  If you don’t believe it…    Google the items or consult your favorite auction site or web distributor).

Steering Wheel Table

Steering Wheel Table:
This item is so stupid that I’m sure that the folks at the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration thought it was a joke and chalked it up as a gag-gift for Father’s Day.  Nope.  It’s a real item for sale.  The idea is that you attach it to the steering wheel to give you a surface on which you can work or place items necessary for your morning commute.  No longer do you have to struggle to talk on your cell phone and eat your Egg McMuffin while you steer your car with your knees.   The ‘Steering Wheel Table’  has plenty of room for your breakfast as well as your morning paper and your laptop.

Breast Milk Alcohol Detecter

Breast Milk Alcohol Detector:
To insure you are qualified to purchase this next product, you must answer ‘YES’ to at least one of the following questions:  1) Do you live in a trailer?  2) Do you live in Alabama?  3)  Are you married to your cousin?  4) Are you a Dale Earnhart, Jr. fan?  5) Do you believe beer and beef jerky are important elements of the primary food groups?  If you answered ‘YES’ to one or more of these questions AND you have just had (another) baby, then the ‘Breast Milk Alcohol Detector’ strips are right down your alley.  Just squeeze out a few drops of breast milk (your husband, Gomer, will be glad to help you with this one), dip in a strip and wait to see if it turns blue.  If it does, feeding Junior is gonna give the little bastard a buzz along with his breakfast.

Scotch Tooth Paste

Scotch Tooth Paste:
At the risk of being redundant, I must ask you to answer the same five questions I asked in the qualification process of the previous product.  But, if someone is stupid enough to make this product, I presume a few of you answered the previous five questions in the affirmative and are chomping-at-the-bit to purchase ‘Scotch Tooth Paste’.  ‘Scotch Tooth Paste’ has got to be the ‘Anti-Christ’ of all products ever invented.  It is such a stupid product that even WalMart keeps it beneath the druggist’s counter along with the nicotine patches and laundry detergent, and other products stupid people can’t be trusted with.

Beer Belly Billboard

Beer Belly Billboard:
OK.  I know there are some pretty weird things that get dumped onto the internet – and, I know that times are tough and people are out of work – and, I know some folks are going to extreme lengths to make enough money to pay the rent – but Jeeeeez Louise!!!  There really is some Bubba that has an ad on the internet offering to rent space on his belly to advertise your product or service.  Pay the guy fifty bucks and he’ll walk around his trailer park, shirtless, for a week with your message proudly displayed between his man-hooters and his cavernous navel.  I called the guy up and offered him the fifty bucks if he would paint the following message on his belly. “NASCAR Fans Eat Their Young”.  But, he declined.
I pissed-away the better part of the afternoon looking at this crap that some stupid person is going to buy – some of it which could kill you.  But then I thought about the problems with the world’s overpopulation and reasoned …. the remedy for so many stupid people populating this planet is probably …… well, stupid people.
And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Leave a Reply

Copyright 2013 - 2009, All Rights Reserved - Powered By Wordpress || Designed By Ridgey