Things that make you go ‘hmmmm’

Sep 8th
Posted by shambo  as Airlines, Culture, Government, Language, Sex, Weird

Let me say this about that.

Human beings are a funny lot.¬† We seem to think we understand the world we live in quite clearly.¬† However, as I have aged, I am beginning to see that I don’t ‘really’ understand a helluva lot.¬† Allow me to¬†illustrate.

How do you make a question mark in Chinese? One must presume that the billion or so Chinese people in the world occasionally ask a question.¬† Sometimes they probably even¬†reduce their question to writing.¬† How are they able to tell the difference between¬†the same phrase (one expressed as a question and one expressed as a statement) – without a Chinese question mark?¬† For example¬†…. “You need fortune cookie” (a statement extolling the virtues of the possession of a fortune cookie) – versus -¬†“You need fortune cookie?” (a question concerning your desire to possess a fortune cookie).¬† Hell for that matter, when is the last time you saw quotation marks in Chinese.¬† Hmmmm.

How did dinosaurs mate? Unless you are a believer in the literal interpretation of the Old Testament, the beginnings of life on this¬†planet become a bigger mystery with every new paleontological discovery.¬† For example, dinosaurs roamed the earth for over 180 million years.¬† That’s 10 times longer than¬†the number of years the human race has lived here.¬† One has to assume that dinosaurs were a hearty breed, capable¬†of overcoming all sorts of challenges to procreate and thrive.¬†¬†But, I have never heard a explanation of how dinosaurs mated.¬† You know they had to “do it” to be able to make little dinosaurs for 180 million years.¬† But how would (for example) a male¬†‘Argentinosarus’, that was 120 feet¬†long from head-to-tail, and weighing in at 200,000 pounds, go about mounting a female?¬† I mean, just getting past her…¬†¬†¬† 60 foot long tail would be difficult enough, but then what?¬† And how much fun could it¬†have been¬†for the female dinosaur,¬†‘on-the-bottom’,¬†to get mounted by a humping male that weighed¬†as much¬†as a railroad locomotive?¬† Hmmmm.

Why is an airline ticket from Miami to Birmingham more expensive than one from Miami to New York? Airline pricing policies have long outdistanced “which came first – the chicken or the egg?” as mankind’s greatest imponderable.¬† For example, the American Airlines web site quotes the ticket price for a round-trip, economy class ticket from Miami to New York¬†at $228.¬† This is a journey covering 1,300 miles.¬† American Airlines also quotes a round-trip, economy class ticket from Miami to Birmingham, Alabama for $300, a trip covering only 780 miles.¬† Apparently , if you are in the ‘people transportation business’ the distance the people¬†are transported makes no difference whatsoever in determining the charge.¬† To confuse the equation further, airlines are now offering “options” for an extra charge for such luxuries as luggage, peanuts, and a glass of water.¬† “Would you like a seat during your flight today, sir?¬† It’s an extra charge of only $180.” Hmmmm.

Why are celebrities paid more than soldiers? The base pay for¬†a soldier, holding the rank of¬†Private in the U.S. Army, averages a little less than $20,000/year.¬† Or put another way, $85 per week above minimum wage.¬† The U.S. Army adds an additional payment if a soldier serves in a place where he is in (as the Army phrases it) “imminent danger” of …. getting his ass shot off.¬† This additional bit of government largess amounts to a whopping $7.65 per day !!!!¬† Oprah Winfrey, on the other hand, made $315,000,000.00 last year — Three hundred and fifteen million dollars for a freakin’ talk show host !!!¬† Now let me ask one of you smart readers which would you rather have – an additional 15,750 soldiers in Afghanistan keeping the Islamic nutjobs too occupied to plan another terrorist attack on the U.S. – or – the Oprah Winfrey Show?¬†¬† Hmmmm.

Why is Elmer Fudd such a poor shot? There have been 150 films¬†since 1940 featuring a topic central to the American culture – the eradication of Bugs Bunny (aka: that pesky wabbit) by that great white hunter Elmer Fudd (shhhh, be vewy vewy quiet). During this period of 71 years, Elmer has fired (by some estimates) over 18,000 rounds of shotgun shells at ‘ol Bugs, and has yet to score a hit.¬† Since each 20-gauge shotgun shell contains approximatelly 300 individual pellets, simple math¬†proves that Elmer has fired¬†5,500,000 pieces of lead at Bugs Bunny and has¬†yet to¬†hit him once.¬† How could that be?¬† Perhaps a better question might be ….. ‘did I forget to take my meds?’ Hmmmm.

And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Shambo

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