'nuff said

Let me say this about that.

Poor ‘ol Tiger Woods.  Seems his whole world has come crumbling down on his frizzy little head.  Too bad he was caught doing the one thing that is an unforgivable sin for anyone famous:

He screwed-up on a slow news day.

Now, of course, you can’t pick up a newspaper, turn on the TV or, well ….. read a blog, without hearing something about Tiger Woods and his copious copulations.  This morning I turned on the news and got:

“Good morning and welcome to the GBS Morning News.  A breaking story is coming out of Afghanistan today that reports sightings of Osama bin Laden in the mountainous region along the border with Pakistan.  Our on-site correspondent also reported seeing Tiger Woods, presumably continuing his self imposed exile.”

“And, now for the weather.  What do we have to look forward to this weekend Chet.”

“Well Bob,  it looks like we are in for some cold weather for the next couple of days.  And I don’t just mean ‘COLD’, I mean “cold as a kiss from Tiger Woods’ wife”. YUK, YUK, YUK.  Now back to you Bob.”

“YUK, YUK, YUK, yeah, that’s a good one Chet.  We now go to the Sports Desk with a report from…    (more…)

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Let me say this about that.

Shocking news was released in the latest issue of “Consumer Reports” magazine regarding one of America’s most common sources of protein – chicken.  “Consumer Reports” has been testing chickens for bacteriological contamination since 1998 and reports it’s finding once per year.  This year’s analysis consisted of testing 382 store-bought broilers purchased in over 100 stores nationwide.  The results are shocking.

Two out of three chickens purchased in grocery stores were contaminated by either salmonella and/or campylobacter bacteria.  Neither bug is much fun.  Symptoms for both include violent stomach cramps, high fever, nausea, vomiting and bloody diarrhea.  This is some serious crap (pardon the pun) as the more acute cases can even result in death. 

Death by chicken.

The U.S. Department of Agriculture sets standards for bacteriological contamination in chickens and conducts it’s own tests.  Problem is, the USDA standard allows 20% of tested chickens to be contaminated by bacteria and still sold in stores – your tax dollars at work.  You pay your taxes for the privilege enjoying 3 or 4 days of bloody diarrhea.  Well, this is simply unacceptable,  so I…    (more…)

Virgin Galactic Spaceship 2

Let me say this about that.

The term ‘Bucket List” has been around for a while, but gained more popular use after the release of a movie of the same name in 2007.  It refers to a list of things you want to do before you “kick-the-bucket”.  As I get deeper in to my 60′s, I am beginning to see the utility in developing such a list.  In other words, if I’m gonna do something, I had damn-well better get on with it.

I started creating my “Bucket List” by summarizing some of the experiences I have already had in my sixty-some-odd years.  It was important to make sure my new list contained adventures I knew I could actually do, based on past experiences.  Surprisingly, the “done-it” list had already set the bar pretty high.  This base list already includes such activities as:

* Flying fighters in aerial combat training

* Crashing a hot air balloon into an apartment building parking lot in Vail, CO

* Diving on the Great Barrier Reef

* Sailing around Cape Horn in hurricane force winds

* Racing sports cars in Florida

* Catching a marlin in a war-zone

* Being selected for the 1964 Olympic trials

 

Stuff like that – nothing that’s gonna win a Nobel Prize, but definitely provided fuel for an occasional ‘adrenaline-junkie’ fix.  I couldn’t water-down the “done-it” list with what might be my last opportunity to experience something really special before ‘The Big Dirt Nap’ experience all of us are gonna have eventually.  After some research, I believe I have discovered the next thing going into my ‘Bucket’.

Become an astronaut.

Oh, I can hear you now.  Go ahead and yuk it up, but it turns out it is possible for a guy in his mid-sixties to become an astronaut with the help of…    (more…)

Let me say this about that.

Actually, this is one time I’m not going to say anything.  I simply could not add any value to what these great modern American philosophers have to say.

  (more…)

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Let me say this about that.

In 1989 there was an animated movie released called “All Dogs Go To Heaven”.  It popped-up on the cable guide the other night as I was searching for a movie to watch during dinner.  I didn’t watch the movie.  I haven’t watched cartoons since I was a kid.  But I got to thinking about the title and started wondering if it might be possible – that all dogs actually do go to heaven.

Putting my engineering logic to work, it occurred to me that – if indeed there IS a Heaven – dogs were a damn-sight more likely to be admitted than humans.  It goes without question that there would be no cats in residence – but I digress.

It further occurred to me that all dogs are not ‘perfect’.  That being the case, there must be some sort of vetting process before just any ‘ol dog can be granted admittance into the paradisaical kingdom.  It would seem logical that St Peter, the guardian of the Pearly Gates to Heaven, would at least ask a few questions regarding…    (more…)

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Let me say this about that.

Well, the ‘ol Tiger sure has had his troubles of late.  Seems he has been ‘putting-the-wood’ to more than his drives off the tee.  Even without much of a putting game, he does not appear to be having any problem finding the hole.  In his latest ‘foursome’ he was the only one who knew how to play golf.  Clearly, Woods has ended the question of who has the longest ‘stroke’ in the PGA.  Regretably however, he has ‘layed-up’ in the rough in his latest ‘skins game.’

Sometimes, I just quack myself up.

The Tiger has gotten himself in a ‘melluva hess’.  But the dude is such a narcissist that he actually believes he can ask the public to back off and forget all about this and they will do it because he is Tiger Woods.  This guy must have the IQ of asparagus. As further evidence that he is no PhD candidate,  he’s been hammering waitresses !!  The man has earned over $1 billion playing a stupid game and he’s porkin’ the pancake server at IHOP.  Hard to feel sorry for someone that stupid.

His latest gambit is a short confession published on his website saying he is sorry and “Puuuleeez,  would everybody just forget this thing ever happened and go back to loving me, just like you did before you found out I was such a douchebag.”  Problem is, the wording of his confession is…    (more…)

32-team playoff bracket

Let me say this about that.

One of the favorite topics for bloggers is the political scene.  Bloggers seem to do a superior job of exposing the unjust, corrupt, ignorant, unethical, and wasteful output of our political system.  The more established print and broadcast media must be a lot more evasive in their coverage because they are compelled to consider the position of their paying advertisers.  Bloggers in general, get paid squat, so we have little or nothing to lose.  Plus, we have a better, faster, and cheaper distribution media – the internet. 

But, with all this power also comes responsibility.  In that I stand in that long line of bloggers ready to skewer the offending politican, I feel I must also report the good – what little there is – that our political process provides.  One such example is the passage of a bill in the House of Representatives Commmittee on Energy and Commerce - subcommittee on Commerce, Trade, and Consumer Protection - forbidding the Football Bowl Subdivision Championship Game winner to be advertised as the National Champion unless it results from a “Playoff System”.

Yes, all you football fans and political pundants, our Congress has FINALLY stumbled upon a topic that actually could use an injection of common sense.  And if you think that government involvement in the selection of a college football champion is stupid, then you obviously…    (more…)

Danica Patrick

Let me say this about that.

In order to write a successful blog, one must be fearless.  Readable blog content cannot be diluted with political correctness, swayed by personal bias, nor shrink from controversy.  In my LMSTAT blog, I have taken on some of the most powerful people and institutions in the world including the U.S. federal government, the Catholic church, the Presidency, doctors, lawyers, engineers, universities, sports figures, PETA, and the entertainment industry.  Casting the bright light of day onto these entities has caused some controversy but nothing has caused as much uproar as when I took on the most powerful organization in America – NASCAR.

NASCAR is like an overweight and aging “One-Trick Pony” that has earned untold millions from people who are supposedly entertained by watching identical cars drive round-and-round.  You had to know that it would have to end sooner or later.  NASCAR now finds itself with a decreasing attendance, disappearing sponsorship, and a fan base that is beginning to realize that NASCAR rules have taken all the drama out of this vanilla flavored ‘non-sport’.  The show’s ‘hero’, Dale Earnhardt, Jr. has been exposed as a no-talent ‘also-ran’ who stays in the game just to…    (more…)

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Let me say this about that.

For those of you who perpetually don’t pay attention, you probably have not been caught up in the recent interest in the year 2012.   2012 is the year that the world is coming to an end – December 21, 2012, to be exact.  Now this is not a date picked by some crack sniffing druggie or religious whack job carrying a “The End Is Near” sign on the street corner.  This is a date well known to historians as the end of the ‘Mayan Calender’.  Yep, the Mayans, an ancient civilization known for their intellect, craftsmanship, language and laws had their own calendar.  That calendar was very precise and served the Mayans well for thousands of years.  But the real interesting part about the calender is that the dates went no further that December 21, 2012.  Apparently the Mayans believed that this marked the end of it all.

End of Days, the Apocalypse, Dooms Day, The End of the World, Armageddon, Bend Over and Kiss Your Sweet Ass Goodby, Babee !!!.

Scholars who supposedly research such things believe that the heavenly bodies will align in such a way as to cause the annihilation of the Earth, and all of us beautiful people who live here.  This event, they claim, is part of a…    (more…)

Annual Christmas letter - photobucket

Let me say this about that.

I really enjoy reading, and since my retirement, I now have the time to do a lot of it.  My favorite reading material is nonfiction because real life is far more absurd and funny than anything a best selling author can make up.  However, I do get a chance to read a little fiction at least once a year, when I start getting the “Annual Christmas Letters” from all my friends.

For those of you not familiar with the “Annual Christmas Letter”, let me explain.  This letter documents the previous year’s accomplishments and experiences of a particular family, with heavy emphasis on the achievements of children and grandchildren.  The letter is also usually accompanied by a dozen, or so, photographs featuring slobbering babies, pre-adolescent delinquents in Santa hats, and a portrait of the whole ‘fam damily’ posing around Grandmummy and Grandpoppy’s Christmas tree.  Allow me to share one such letter I received in yesterdays mail.

“Well, it’s been quite a year for the Snerd family.  Our daughter Patsy added to our glorious family when she delivered twin baby girls last February.  Patsy and her husband Earl immediately enrolled them into a Montessori School.  Their graduation was held in October.

Roscoe, our oldest son, was given an award for heroism after he saved the life of a passenger on his flight to Buffalo.  The passenger was suffering from…    (more…)