Math Quiz question # 3

Let me say this about that.

When I was a student, I hated tests, quizzes, exams, reviews, oral presentations, mid-terms, finals, thesis, dissertations, and any other sort of prodding and probing of my cognitive capability.  I understand the need for instructors to assess the level of knowledge their students have retained from their classes, but there must be a better way than a freakin’ TEST.

A test doesn’t really assess the level of knowledge you have retained – it assesses your ability to recall what you have been taught – when put under enormous pressure.  Screw-up on the test, and it is immaterial what you really know.  What matters is…    (more…)

Cruise ship for rednecks

Let me say this about that.

Once the sole domain of the wealthy, cruise ship vacations are now as popular with the middle class as a trip to DisneyWorld.  Cruise ships have long since migrated from the stately, dreamy-paced life on-board, with it’s black tie dining, champagne brunches and string quartet chamber music.  Today’s cruise ship lines have discovered that the farther down the socio-economic ladder they go, the more money they make and the more basic the clientele’s entertainment needs become.

Enter water-slides, basketball courts, pool tables, video games, climbing walls, bungee-jumping, karaoke, bingo games and casinos …. things that would make the refined passengers of the original ‘Queen Elizabeth’ cruise ship  gasp.  There are teen clubs, disco clubs, wine tasting bars, martini bars, coffee bars, ice cream bars, pizza bars, poker clubs, book clubs, and continual lectures on what stuff you can buy and where you can buy it.

In other words, if you are a redneck and…    (more…)

Bicep Curl

Let me say this about that.

There is no way around it.  I’m fat.  But if you look around – I’m not alone.  It is one of God’s little jokes that when you get older and can afford more of life’s pleasures, anything you put in your mouth will add twice it’s weight in body poundage.  To compound the dilemma, just when you need to exercise the most to lose those unwanted pounds, your old body is least able to do it.  This conundrum is one of the worst parts of getting old.

I can simply look at a raisin - through binoculars from 200 yards away – and gain eight pounds.  The last time I LOST eight pounds, it took more physical effort than was required to build the Hoover Dam.  For old farts like myself, weight is a one way street.  If you put it on, it’s there forever.

My wife used to ask me if certain of her outfits made her look fat.  Like most guys, I never asked her if any of my outfits made me look fat – it just never occurred to me to inquire.  But the other day, she looked at me and said:  ” You know Honey, that outfit makes you look fat.”   The problem was - I was in the shower…    (more…)

Let me say this about that.

Two middle-aged gentlemen lost their jobs and had achieved no success finding other employment.  After a couple of months, they decided to give up looking for new jobs and try their hand at making money by day-trading stocks.  They usually met for lunch each Monday to exchange stock trading ideas and catch up on how each one did the previous week.

Bob:  “Well Colin, what did you do this weekend?”

Colin:  “Not much, Bob. But I did get a dog for my wife.”

Bob:  “Wow Bob.  Great trade!”

I have long considered day trading stocks to be the economic equivalent of juggling rattlesnakes while blindfolded.  In the long run, nothing good is going to come of it.  The stock market is an extraordinary complex institution whose inner workings are intertwined with international uncertainty, currency fluctuation, tax strategy, and all manner of arcane and ambiguous accounting regulations.  It would certainly be beyond the ability of a retired old fart like myself to decipher. 

Well, maybe not…    (more…)

Filling pond - the stupid guy way

Let me say this about that.

In most U.S. cities, convicted sex offenders must register with the local authorities when they move into town.  People who like to spend other people’s money must register with state authorities as Democrats.  Convicted drug dealers are registered with the local DEA office and must check-in with parole officers weekly.  Guys who like to play with pre-adolescent boy’s tally-whackers, are registered as Catholic priests.

None of these social misfits, however, represent as much danger to the general public as the plain-’ol, garden variety ‘stupid guy’.  Stupid guys are all around us, but they are hard to spot. That is, until they do something stupid.  In an effort to do my part to improve the daily lives of Americans, I am proposing the creation of “Shambo’s Registry of Stupid Guys”  in order to help us identify these dummies and give them a wide berth. 

Qualification for registration is quite simple.  One must simply have a past record of doing stupid stuff.  Let me give you a couple of examples of types of activities that will result in instant qualification to be included into the ‘registry’.  In fact, I’ll give a personal example…    (more…)

2010 census - your tax dollars at work

Let me say this about that.

It is no secret that ‘government’, in any of it’s many forms, is the most inefficient mechanism ever devised by man.  Find something that needs to be done and the government will find a way to do it that will require twice the number of people. 

Federal government, state government, local government – it doesn’t seem to matter.  The 3rd thing you can rely upon after death and taxes, is that if the government is on the job, it will be a paragon of inefficiency.  We have all driven by a job site where there are four government workers standing around a hole in the ground, watching one poor bastard with a shovel actually doing the work.  If the job requires one guy to do the work, the government will send five.

All governments are inefficient, but I believe the law-making bodies in the State of Florida have set a new standard of inefficiency and ineptitude that will inspire all other governments to new lows.  To wit:  The south Florida city of North Miami Beach has lost it’s hole.

“Whaaaaat?”

How in the hell does one lose a hole?  Look-up…    (more…)

Let me say this about that.

We’ve all done it …. imagined we have won the lottery and become an instant multimillionaire!  Yeah, I’ve done it myself (imagined – not won).  The burning question I always had was not ‘what should I do with the money’  but ‘what is the FIRST thing I would do with the money?’  Now, to this question I have given considerable thought.  Wanna hear about it?  Thought so.

Gulfstream G550

“CONGRATULATIONS, Mr. Shambo, you have just won the grand prize in this weeks MEGAMILLIONS Lottery.  Your prize comes to, after taxes, $87 million !! 

Shambo:  “Hello, NetJets?  I need to lease a Gulfstream G550 business jet for a couple of days.  I know that they say ‘if-you-have-to-ask-you-can’t-afford-it’  but I’ve had a really good day and I want to splurge.  Can you tell me about how much that might cost?

NetJets:  “Why, of course, sir.  We charge $8,000/hour, plus expenses and gratuity.”

Shambo:  “Not a problem.  I need to fly to the Virgin Islands.  Will this aircraft make it that far without stopping?”

NetJets:  “Oh sir, we are quite the jokester, aren’t we?  The G550 has a range of 6,000 miles at 550 mph.  The jet has a boatload of…    (more…)

Mathematic proof

Let me say this about that.

As a young, recently graduated engineer, I accepted a job in Cape Canaveral, Florida working at an electronics company.  This particular company designed and manufactured sophisticated communications equipment for NASA’s Apollo space program, and for the use of the National Security Administration’s (NSA) efforts in the Vietnam war. 

My first week on the job, I was handed an assignment to respond to a government audit report that alleged 1/3 of all the company’s employees arrived late for work.  This was a serious charge since all our work was compensated on a “Cost-Plus” basis – meaning the more time we took to complete a specific job, the more we were paid.  The auditors also demanded a refund for ‘time not worked’.

The company was a ‘secure’ facility, owing to the secret nature of our work, and only had a couple of heavily guarded entrances to the facility.  This made verification of the audit’s allegation quite simple.  And yes, I found that the government auditors were correct – about 1/3 of all the employees arrived late each day.  I reported this to superiors but recommended we NOT refund any money to the government, based on the following logic: “If 1/3 of the employees were late, logic would lead to the conclusion that 2/3 were early.”  As such, the government owed us money.

The government and the company decided to…    (more…)

Let me say this about that.

Yesterday’s LMSTAT blog bemoaned the fact that you just can’t believe everything you see anymore.  This is especially true since the advent of ‘Photoshop’ software – the digitization software that allows you to modify original photographs, and morph the picture into anything you want.  Since the existence of a photograph is no longer proof that it depicts a ‘real’ situation, it could be logically argued that the old adage “a picture is worth 1,000 words” now makes more sense as “a word is worth 1,000 pictures”.

Yesterday’s blog displayed five photographs.  The reader was asked to examine the photos and pick out the single photograph that had been “Photoshopped”.   Today, we are going to do just the opposite.  Again, five photographs are presented, but all of them have been “Photoshopped” except one.  Your job – find the real one.  Also, I have attached a…    (more…)

Let me say this about that.

You probably have heard them all:  Seeing is believing – What you see is what you get – Beauty is in the eye of the beholder – A picture is worth a thousands words.  Fundamentally, we have been taught since childhood that if we can actually see something, it is an accurate representation of reality.  At one time that may have been true – that is until the invention of “Photoshop” software.

Photographs that have been “Photoshopped” are digitally altered by computer to intermingle aspects of the original photograph, with the imagination of the Photoshop artist – often with hilarious results.  The software is so advanced that most folks cannot detect the original picture from one that has been ‘doctored-up’.  To make matters even more confusing, sometimes unusual photographs are actually real.  In short, we just don’t know what is real – and what is not – anymore.

Frankly, I don’t care.  I enjoy looking at bizarre pictures – whether they are “Photoshopped” or real. Sometimes, just trying to determine whether a photograph is real or fake is half the fun. 

I have attached a few photographs that have been drawn from public web sites that I think are kinda cool.  All these pictures are real – except one.  Just for fun, try to pick the one fake photograph out of the group.  In addition, I have added a little…    (more…)