Gooder and easier jobs

Aug 10th
Posted by shambo  as Jobs
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Let me say this about that.

Last week, I posted a blog¬†announcing the winners of¬†the 2009 “World’s Toughest Jobs” awards.¬† The response to these awards has been tremendous and our loyal readers have asked that they be expanded.¬† Further, our fans want to be an integral part of nominating – and – awarding excellence in future categories.¬† As past awards focused on difficult and challenging professions, the readership suggested future categories concentrate on the opposite end of the spectrum.¬† So, this past weekend, I constructed a nomination short list for several additional categories.¬† Your job, Dear Readers, is to…¬†¬†¬† add to the list of nominees, and/or vote for one of the current nominees.¬† The three new categories are:¬† Most Overpaid Job,¬†Best Working Environment, and¬† the World’s Easiest Job.

The nominees for Most Overpaid Job are:

1) NEW ORLEANS WELL DIGGER – “Just stick that tablespoon in the ground right here Fred.¬† Yup, we got water.¬† Go ahead and¬†bill FEMA for $36,000.”

2) UNION STEWARD, MONTANA LONGSHOREMAN’S LOCAL #213 – “Damn Smitty, I don’t think our ship’s ever gonna come in.”

3) NASCAR DIRECTION FINDER¬† – “OK, Junior, go down this road and take your first left.¬† Then go a few hundred yards and take another left.¬† Go straight for about 1/4 mile and -¬†this is where it gets a little tricky – take a left.¬† After another few hundred yards you’re gonna want to take a left.¬† OK, got it?”

Next, the nominees for Best Working Environment.¬† The categories have been broken out for men’s and women’s jobs.¬† As you might expect, the guys have their mind in the gutter with the following nominations:

1) SPERM DONOR -  You had to see this one coming (oops, poor choice of words, I guess). 

2) CONDOM FIELD TEST TECHNICAN -  Pretty much the same as #1, except kicked up a notch.

The nominations from the ladies surprised us as they showed that their suggestions were as¬†ribald as the guy’s¬†.¬† Their nominees for Best Working Environment are:

1) STUD MUFFIN TASTER -¬†¬†“Oh, Judith, taste this one, it’s got nuts in it.”

2) SPERM BANK, DIRECT DEPOSIT TELLERGives the old military ‘heads-up’ alarm “INCOMING!!” a whole new slant.

And the last new category open for nominations is World’s Easiest Job.¬† The nominations, so far, are:

1)¬†HANDICAP PARKING SPACE VALET¬†- “OK, lady, just wheel’er right¬†up¬†here between these two big blue lines.¬† That’s right, best spot in the lot.¬† That’ll be 20 bucks.”

2)¬†NORTH KOREAN VOTE COUNTER¬†- Taking the ‘one man – one vote’ concept to the extreme.¬†

3) WHIRLING DERVISH DANCE INSTRUCTOR – “Listen-up, Mohammed, just spin around until you achieve enlightenment, or you just get dizzy and puke – whichever comes first.”

4) FACILITATOR – MORMON HOOKER’S GROUP THERAPY¬†¬†- “Well Doc, looks like attendance is gonna be a little¬†light again tonight.”

OK, folks.¬†¬†It’s now time to vote, or add your own nominations to the above categories.¬† I will allow myself only one vote – same as the rest of you – but I would like to add my personal nomination¬†to the¬†World’s Easiest Job¬†category:

PASTOR – CHURCH OF AGNOSTIC FUNDAMENTALISTS

And, that’s all I have to say about that.

Shambo

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