P.O.F. Airlines

Let me say this about that.

When, in America, did marketing and advertising become a euphemism for tolerated prevarication?  When did every advertisement we see in print or in the broadcast medium become a bald-faced lie – and – when exactly did we decide that we were OK with it?  If the pharmaceutical industry’s advertisements are to be believed, for example, then the world must now be devoid of disease, pain, malady, soreness, attention deficiency disorder or irritable bowel syndrome.  The fact is, the world’s population has all manner of health problems and the pharmaceutical industry is a big pack of (don’t want to get too technical here) LIARS !!  But the really sad part is that we really don’t seem to mind.

I don’t mean to pick on the poor ‘ol pharmaceutical industry.  Most U.S. industries are as bad or worse.  Let me give you an example of one industry that has gotten so bad, it is now completely incapable of telling the truth – (more…)

Twenty years ago, I saw a cartoon in the newspaper that depicted a father scolding his son who he caught studying a mathematics text book.  The caption read:  “Put down that text book, go outside and practice your jump shot”.  The point of the cartoon, of course, was a tongue-in-cheek reference to the salaries of athletes versus the rest of us who required an education to earn a living.  At the time I thought it was a bit far-fetched at best, and at worst, could send a wrong message to kids facing a choice between studying hard in preparation for getting a job - or -  putting all their energies into trying to make it as a professional athlete.

What a dumbass I was.

In the twenty-first century, professional athletes have become the ‘samurai’ of American society.  They are rich, they are famous, they are (generally) above the law, and their asses are Frenched-kissed by…    (more…)

Shambo, Capt. Billy & beast

 Let me say this about that.

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, the only thing stirring, was Shambo’s sweet spouse.

She woke-up her hubby, to do chores she was wishing, but all  Shambo wanted, was just to go fishing.

He stumbled to the john, to empty his bladder, and then snuck out the door, without pausing for chatter.

He called on Captain Billy, a trusted fishing mate, who launched his new boat, and loaded-up the bait.

And off they both went, ten miles out to the sea, to hunt the great sailfish, but with no guarantee.

In just fifteen minutes, the giant sailfish did attack, and hit the live bait, with a freight train impact.

Shambo grabbed the rod, and an epic fight began, it was a beast of the sea, versus one determined man.

They fought for an hour, neither one wanted surrender, but the odds of a catch, were gettin’ quite slender.

The sailfish fought harder, by jumping in the air, Shambo’s arms were cramping, and he began to…    (more…)

photobucket

Let me say this about that.

This is the time of the year when every newspaper columnist or TV talking-head lays out their predictions for the upcoming year.  Or, as in the case of a new decade, the coming ten years.  And, since most of the established print and broadcast media have the intelligence of fruit, I figured that us bloggers ought to have a shot at it.  After all, as most of us don’t have advertisers or politically-correct editors to kowtow to, we might actually provide more reality in our prognostications than the ‘fruit-heads’.  So, it is with all the conviction and courage of Don Quixote that I begin my quest to predict the future.  May I present:

SHAMBO’S Predictions For The Coming Decade:

1)  Before the end of the decade there will be a  “Female, midget, lesbian, mixed race, paraplegic Buddist  elected President of the United States.  The Fourteenth Amendment will be re-worded to…    (more…)

photobucket

(Happy New Year!  Please enjoy this Classic LMSTAT while Shambo enjoys the Holidays!)

Let me say this about that.

When I first decided to do this blog, my friends advised me to ‘write about things you know’.  Sounded like good advise to me, so I pondered a few days on numerous subjects upon which I fancied myself an expert.  Engineering, mathematics and logistics were certainly a possibility as I had made my living in these areas for thirty-five years.  Business ‘turnarounds’ and international systems integration were also innovations in which I had prospered.  I consulted my spouse of many years as to which of these topics my background might provide the most credibility, veracity, and rectitude, and which would provide an ideal basis for my blog.  Her response was…    (more…)

Wal Mart patron

(Please enjoy this LMSTAT Classic while Shambo enjoys the holidays)

Let me say this about that.

You know, I kinda like being an old fart.  The level of expectation for people of my seniority is so low, that we can say or do just about anything and get away with it.  Cops don’t hassle me anymore – ‘why bother, the old guy will be dead soon’.  My wife doesn’t bitch at me as much because she knows I’m not paying attention anyway.  It’s like a cloak of invincibility without the duties of a superhero.  It’s really kind of cool.

So, it is with the bravado of the invincible that I inform you that there are things you are doing out there that I don’t care for.  If I offend anyone, tough.  You really have little recourse ….   (more…)

(Please enjoy this Classic LMSTAT while Shambo enjoys the Holidays!)

Let me say this about that.

Most Americans are pretty finicky about what they eat.  Basically, we’re “meat & potatoes” oriented and sneer at anything exotic on our plate.  Asian cuisine, however, is much more varied.  When I lived in Asia, I was served such delicacies as cow ankle, camel hump, cat tongue, python skin (for dessert), and sea slug.  With the exception of sea slug, I was able to get most of it down (imagine a dead raccoon lying in a New Mexico parking lot for three days, mix it with pig snot – and you’ll have a pretty good idea what sea slug tastes like).

There is a small minority of Americans that savor unorthodox foods, but it rarely goes beyond oysters, truffles, or escargot.  The majority of us prefer our exotic ingredients in other ways.  Take for example…    (more…)

(Please enjoy this Classic LMSTAT while Shambo enjoys the Holidays!)

Let me say this about that.

Guys love their sports, especially ones in which they can participate.  Participation sports are important for men as a way to disperse the pressure and frustration that builds up on the job by the end of each week.  Sometimes I wonder if, in fact, participation sports can actually make the situation worse.  Take for example, hunting.

Personally, I’m not a hunter simply because I just don’t get the appeal of vaporizing a tree squirrel with a high-powered assault rifle.  Until grocery stores are outlawed, you don’t need to hunt for food,  and until massage parlors are…      (more…)

(Please enjoy this Classic LMSTAT while Shambo enjoys the Holidays!)

Let me say this about that.

Ok, I’ll admit it.  I’m a drinking man.  In my little village, cocktail hour is that sacred time of day when you can kick-back, shoot the breeze with neighbors, and have an adult beverage of your choice.  My drink of choice is what I call a “whitey”…..”whitey” is a contraction of the term “white-out”, an unfortunate side effect.  A whitey is made by mixing equal parts vodka and ice.  I usually drink them until I forget the recipe.

Drinks of choice are as varied as the people who drink them…..and some are quite bizarre.  I have a cousin, for example, who drinks Budweiser (mistake # 1) mixed with lime juice.  All I can say is: “Cuz, two wrongs don’t make a right.” 

For people who like to puke, the drink of choice seems to be  Jaegermeister.  If you have never sampled a Jaegermeister, it tastes roughly like week-old sauerkraut mixed with rat piss.  The drinking of Jaegermeister is also…    (more…)

Happy Holidays from Mrs. Santa

Let me say this about that.

Frankly, I’ve not been a big fan of the first decade of the twenty-first century. To begin with, this decade didn’t even have a name.  You know, like the “sixties, or the “nineties”.  What were we supposed to call it – “the zero’s” ?  And look at the events that marked this decade …… 911, the war in Iraq, the war in Afghanistan, the worst recession since ‘The Great Depression’ , bird flu/swine flu pandemics, hurricanes out the ass, ten percent unemployment, crashing real estate prices, and worst of all, the invention of Reality Shows.  I know, I know, I really shouldn’t complain – but sometimes I still do.

“The Zero’s” have been kinda like a trip to the dentist office.  It hurts like hell while you’re there, but it feels great when it’s over.  In a few days, it’s “Adios, you decade from Hell.”  And if things are normal, here in my little village, the ‘holiday party-fog’ will prevent me from remembering most of these last few days of this decade anyway.  Good riddance!!

Now, on to a more pleasant subject – “The TEENS” !!!  What are we gonna do in the “Teens”?  We have a whole new decade to…    (more…)