U.S. Navy's "Terrorist Catch-and-Release Program"

Let me say this about that.

I have a great deal of respect for our military.  They live a tough demanding life, often in some hell-hole on the other side of the planet, and get paid diddley-squat.  Oh yeah, there’s also that ‘getting-shot-at’ thing that can prove to be a detriment to following well meant instructions to ‘have-a-nice-day’.

A well run military seems to require two things – one from the commanders and one from the soldiers.  The job of the commanders - reducing even mundane tasks to a form so simple that a blindfolded chimpanzee with Alzheimer’s could perform them under water.  The job of the foot soldier – develop a sense of humor about life in the military and somehow, it’ll all work out.

As I had mentioned in an earlier post, the first thing I learned when I arrived at Fort Benning in the mid ’60′s as a young ‘dog-face’, was…    (more…)

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Let me say this about that.

I’m just going to come right out and say this.  I believe that whoever wrote the Book of Genesis in the Old Testament got it wrong.  Maybe not the entire “Creation” thing, but the “First Sin” thing is completely askew.  I believe that Adam and the Serpent were just sitting around in the garden, probably having a few beers and discussing how they could start a bowling team, when Eve shows up with an apple …. uninvited, I might add.  And the rest, as they say, is history.  In my opinion, the snake was framed, and it was Eve that perpetrated the original sin.

Yes, dear LMSTAT readers, it was ‘woman’ that was put here on earth to impose redemption, and both men and snakes have been paying for it ever since.  Women exact their punishment by…    (more…)

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Let me say this about that.

Personally, I don’t care for Canadians.  They are a sneaky lot, and I think they are up to something.  America has been in wars all over the world, but I am convinced the biggest threat to our national security lies in Canada. 

To begin with, the border separating the United States and Canada is largely unguarded.  What little security that exists has more holes than a chain-link fence.  Canadians and their allies – THE FRENCH – can simply stroll into this country as easily as walking into a Wal-Mart.

I’ll tell you why I think the Canucks are up to no good ….. their language has an embedded secret code.  Take, for example, …    (more…)

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Let me say this about that.

You know, I kinda like being an old fart.  The level of expectation for people of my seniority is so low, that we can say or do just about anything and get away with it.  Cops don’t hassle me anymore – ‘why bother, the old guy will be dead soon’.  My wife doesn’t bitch at me as much because she knows I’m not paying attention anyway.  It’s like a cloak of invincibility without the duties of a superhero.  It’s really kind of cool.

So, it is with the bravado of the invincible that I inform you that there are things you are doing out there that I don’t care for.  If I offend anyone, tough.  You really have little recourse ….  ’cause I’m an old fart.

“Women that drone-on about their grand-kids’ potty habits”:

You all have heard them.  “Oh, little Johnny made his first poo-poo in his little potty.”  “Oh, little Suzy is so cute when she goes pee-pee.”  WHAT IS THE BIG FREAKIN’ DEAL?!?!  There has never been a kid born – since the dawn of man – that did not eventually conquer…    (more…)

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Let me say this about that.

I’ve always wanted to be one of the ‘cool guys’.  But alas, I’m an engineer, and cool guys just don’t become engineers.  Look up ‘cool’ in Webster’s dictionary, and you’ll see a picture of an engineer ……. leaving the room. 

Not being one of the cool guys gives me an amplified appreciation of what it takes to be cool – really cool.  It’s not the big, splashy, flamboyant behavior of some loud-talking blowhard.  Being really cool is the ability to exhibit a flair and touch of elan with the little things.  Let me give you a couple of examples:

A buddy and I were having a beer at an outdoor bar in a Houston suburb a few years ago.  Being outdoors, they allowed folks bring their dogs on the premises.  My friend’s mutt was…    (more…)

Negotiation Shack - Panmunjeom, DMZ Korea

Let me say this about that.

Question: “What do the following countries have in common?”

Canada, USA, Mexico, Bermuda, Bahamas, Jamaica, Nicaragua, Costa Rica, Panama, Grand Cayman, British Virgin Islands, St Martin, Barbados, Colombia, Ecuador, Peru, Chile, Argentina, Uruguay, Brazil, Ireland, Scotland, England, Finland, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, The Netherlands, Belgium, France, Spain, Monaco, Italy, Switzerland, Germany, Poland, Czech Republic, Austria, Greece, Turkey, United Arab Emirates, Israel, India, China, Hong Kong, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia, Philippines, Australia, Mariana Islands, Japan, Taiwan, French Polynesia, South Korea, and North Korea.

The common thread among these 57 countries (technically, some being protectorates, colonies, or principalities) is that…    (more…)

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Let me say this about that.

I like dogs.  They are pure souls that personify the old adage “What you see is what you get.”  There is no lying, no dishonesty, no self promotion, no deception, and no tattoos.  In other words, the human race has much to learn from dogs.  I have made an extensive list of K-9 attributes from which we can learn valuable lessons, and rendered them down to a short list of the most laudable.

“Perseverance:

My last dog lived for 16 years.  Since she was a pup, she believed everyone – dog or man – was put on this earth specifically for her entertainment.  For 16 years, every time the door bell rang, she…    (more…)

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Let me say this about that.

Why in the hell would you ever marry someone you don’t trust?  I have no clue, but seems a lot of folks DO consciously choose to spend the rest of their lives with a mate they wouldn’t leave alone in the same room with Mother Teresa.  Sometimes the lack of trust is justified, sometimes not.

When I was working on the Space Program in the early 70′s, there was a guy in the labs that was insanely jealous of his wife.  Why?   None of us could ever understand because this lady had a body shaped like a Zeppelin hanger and a face that looked like someone had put makeup on an…    (more…)

Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras

Let me say this about that.

It has been said that “Life is hard, and then you die.”  It’s true that our time on this planet has it’s challenges and sometimes can be downright disheartening.  But every now and again, we see something sooooo funny that we nearly wet our pants – and the world turns into a better place.  Ask anyone you know… “What is the funniest thing you have ever seen?”  and they won’t be able to finish their story without both of you cracking-up like a couple of magpies….stories like:

The first time I went to Mardi Gras:

“I was 16 years old and had finagled a trip to New Orleans for the Mardi Gras in 1962.  (Don’t ask how.  My dearly departed Mom would come back from the grave and…    (more…)

air combat usa

Let me say this about that.

My wife has been trying to kill me for years.  Her method is insidious in that her attempts are cleverly disguised as gifts.  For my birthday, she doesn’t give me traditional gifts.  She gives me, what she calls, “experiences.”  I call them “near death experiences”.  These “experiences” include such relaxing events as glider aerobatics 5 miles out to sea, hot air ballooning over the Rocky Mountains, and ’007′ anti-insurgency training camp in the Arizona desert.  I managed to live through them all, but the one that nearly got me was the “Top Gun Air Combat Experience”.

The process is straightforward.  You go up in a fighter with a highly experienced ex-military pilot.  A buddy goes up in another fighter with his pilot, and you dogfight with laser cannons at 550 miles an hour.  I agreed to do this because the guy I was to be dogfighting with was a…    (more…)